Proud to be TJ's man

We come to a topic of vital importance, in that it affects our relationships in the home, at church, and on the job. Yet it is a topic that generates a lot of friction and heat, because the biblical viewpoint is about as diametrically opposed to that of the world as it could be. If you want to follow God and His Word on this subject, you must consciously throw off the worldly mindset and decisively submit to what God’s Word plainly states.

Our subject is submission, first in a general statement and then applied specifically to marriage, the family, and the workplace. Ephesians 5:21, translated literally, is, “submitting yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ.” It is the last of five participles that spell out the results of being filled with the Holy Spirit. The first three center on joyful worship (5:19). The fourth is, “always giving thanks for all things” (5:20). Now the last relates to our relationships, “submitting yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ.” It also serves as a topic phrase to introduce Paul’s teaching on Christian marriage (5:22–33); instruction to children and parents (6:1–4); and directions to slaves and masters (6:5–9).

I’ll warn you, if you don’t like what the Bible states, you can find purportedly Christian authors who try to explain the text in line with the world’s thinking. The world encourages everyone to stand up for his or her rights. The feminist movement promotes women’s rights. The homosexual movement promotes so-called “gay” rights (they ruined a perfectly good word that used to mean, happy). Some advocate children’s rights to be free from parental authority (although they never seem to extend those rights to children who still happen to be in the womb). PETA promotes animal rights, often over and above human rights. If you think that your rights have been violated, you can easily find a lawyer who will take your case to court. You may win a ridiculously huge settlement!

So the world’s way is, “Assert yourself! Stand up for your rights! You don’t have to take such treatment! Get an attorney to fight for your rights!” God’s way is, “submit to one another in the fear of Christ.” These views are at polar opposites! But, as I said, you can find those claiming to be Christians who try to bend the Bible to fit the world. But as God’s people, we must submit ourselves to His Word as our only authority, so that we are not conformed to this evil world.

I need to begin by explaining three different interpretations of our text. The first is unacceptable for the reasons just stated. The other two are difficult to decide between. The first view is that of so-called evangelical feminism, which takes Ephesians 5:21 as an overarching, controlling principle of mutual submission that abolishes any hierarchical distinctions based on gender in the church or home. They would also appeal to Galatians 3:28, where Paul states, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” These verses, it is claimed, do away with any gender-based roles in marriage or in church leadership.

Books have been written to refute this (one of the best is, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood [Crossway], edited by John Piper and Wayne Grudem). But in brief, it seems that the following verses (Eph. 5:22–24) decisively show that Paul was not abolishing gender-based roles. Also, there are many other verses that stipulate male leadership in the home and in the church (1 Cor. 11:3; 14:34; 1 Tim. 2:11–15; 3:1–10; Titus 1:5–9; 1 Pet. 3:1–7). In my judgment, the very fact that this feminist view did not emerge in church history until the feminist movement emerged in the world, makes it suspect. It is a case of the church conforming to the world, rather than standing opposed to the world.

A second view is that verse 21 does not refer to the mutual submission of everyone in the church. Rather it refers to wives submitting to husbands, children to parents, and slaves to masters, as spelled out in the following verses. (Peter O’Brien argues cogently for this, The Letter to the Ephesians [Eerdmans/Apollos], pp. 401–405; also, Piper and Grudem, pp. 493–494.)

The main argument for this view is that the semantic meaning of the Greek word for “submit” almost exclusively refers to someone subjecting himself or herself to another who is in authority over that person. It is used elsewhere in the New Testament to refer to Jesus’ submission to His parents (Luke 2:51); of demons being subject to the apostles (Luke 10:17, 20); of citizens being subject to governing authorities (Rom. 13:1; Titus 3:1; 1 Pet. 2:13); of the universe being subject to Christ (1 Cor. 15:27; Eph. 1:22); of unseen powers being subject to Christ (1 Pet. 3:22); of Christ being subject to God the Father (1 Cor. 15:28); of church members being subject to their leaders (1 Cor. 16:15–16; 1 Pet. 5:5); of wives being subject to their husbands (Col. 3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Pet. 3:5; Eph. 5:22, 24); of the church being subject to Christ (Eph. 5:24); of servants being subject to their masters (Titus 2:9; 1 Pet. 2:18); and of Christians being subject to God (Heb. 12:9; James 4:7; Piper & Grudem, p. 493). It is significant that none of these relationships are ever reversed. Piper & Grudem state, “The word is never ‘mutual’ in its force; it is always one-directional in its reference to submission to an authority” (ibid., italics theirs).

The main argument against this view is the term, “one another,” which seems to refer to mutual submission. But, those who hold this view counter that that term is not always used to refer to exclusively mutual relationships. For example, Revelation 6:4 says, “that men would slay one another.” Obviously, it does not mean that everyone mutually kills everyone, but rather that some would kill others. Or, Galatians 6:2, which commands us to bear one another’s burdens does not mean that we mutually exchange burdens, but rather that some who are more able should bear the burdens of those who are less able. In 1 Corinthians 11:33, where Paul tells the church to wait for one another before partaking of the Lord’s Supper, it means that those who are ready early should wait for others who are late. So, in Ephesians 5:21, it is argued, “be subject to one another” could be paraphrased, “those who are under authority should be subject to others among you who have authority over them” (ibid., p. 494).

While this view is very compelling and may be correct, I am still inclined to the third view, which is that there is a sense of mutual submission in biblical relationships in which we lay aside our rights and humbly serve one another in love. This is the view of most commentators. It does not do away with the concept of hierarchical authority in the various God-ordained spheres (as the first view does). But it argues that there is a sense in which even those in positions of authority should submit to those under their authority by not being self-assertive, but by serving in love. Jesus was in authority over the disciples, but He laid aside His rights and washed their feet. He taught them (Mark 10:42–44), “You know that those who are recognized as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them; and their great men exercise authority over them. But it is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant; and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be slave of all.”

So, while husbands do not abdicate authority over their wives, they should lay aside all selfishness and authoritarian dominance. Instead, they obey our text by laying down their lives for their wives as they selflessly seek their wives’ highest good (Eph. 5:25–29). There is a sense in which even parents are to be subject to their own children, as they serve them in love. As John Calvin argues (John Calvin’s Sermons on Ephesians [Banner of Truth], p. 561), when a husband lovingly bears the burdens of his wife, is that not subjection? When a father lovingly gives himself for his children, there is subjection. When we assist one another, it is servitude or subjection. Thus there would seem to be a sense in which we all are mutually to submit to one another, without abandoning our roles of God-given authority. Thus, in our text Paul is saying,

Filled with the Spirit, believers’ relationships should be marked by joyful submission to one another out of the fear of Christ.

1. Being filled with the Spirit is the foundation for proper submission to one another.

I am basing this on the grammatical connection between verses 18 and 21. Verse 21 is the result of verse 18. Being filled with the Holy Spirit means to be under the Spirit’s control. To the extent that you are not controlled by the Holy Spirit, you are controlling your own life. So, every Spirit-filled Christian is a submissive Christian. You have submitted your life to the control of the Spirit. Since God has ordained certain spheres of authority in which we are to submit, if we are submissive to the Holy Spirit, we will be submissive to these God-ordained authorities.

2. God has ordained authority and submission in various spheres to accomplish His purposes and for our blessing and protection.

We recognize this in any human endeavor that requires the involvement of many people. To build a house, someone has to be in charge in order to coordinate the project. The contractor follows a plan. He organizes and brings in various subcontractors at the appropriate times to move the project along. These subcontractors may have a team of workers under their supervision. The workers have to submit to the direction of their boss, who submits to the overall direction of the contractor. If anyone veers from the plan and direction of the contractor, the progress on the house will be stalled or set back. I could illustrate the same principle by an army or a government or any other joint endeavor. Authority and submission are required to accomplish the purposes of the organization. When everyone does what they are supposed to do, it is for the overall good of those under authority.

Note five things about God-ordained authority:

1. Even in the Trinity, there is an eternal hierarchy of authority and submission.

Although the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are all equally God in every respect, to carry out the divine plan for the ages, the Son submits to the Father and the Spirit submits to the Father and to the Son (1 Cor. 15:28; John 14:26; 16:13–14). Yet there is no rivalry or jealousy among the members of the Trinity, but rather perfect love and harmony (see Bruce Ware, Father, Son, & Holy Spirit [Crossway], especially chapter 6, “Beholding the Wonder of the Triune Persons in Relational Community”). As Ware points out (p. 137), “The most marked characteristic of the trinitarian relationship is the presence of an eternal and inherent expression of authority and submission.” Thus, “Both authority and submission are good, for both are expressive of God himself” (italics his). Further, “one of the lessons of the Trinity is that God loves what we despise; namely, God loves, exercises, and embraces rightful authority-submission relationships” (ibid.).

1. God has ordained and instituted all authority.

Romans 13:1 states, “Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.” In Luke 4:6, Satan tells Jesus that he has been given the authority to hand over all the kingdoms of the world to whomever he wishes, and Jesus did not dispute the point. While sometimes we must resist evil government authority in obedience to God (Acts 4:19; 5:29), we need to recognize that He has ordained such authority.

1. God has ordained authority for four reasons:

(1). God has ordained authority to accomplish His purposes.

As I explained, authority and accountability are necessary to accomplish any purpose through a group, whether it is to build a house or to run a company, an army, or a country. While in a fallen world, those in authority often abuse their position, it does not negate the necessity for proper authority. Those in authority also incur responsibility and accountability to God. To whom much is given, much will be required (Luke 12:48).

(2). God has ordained authority to protect and bless those under authority.

Good human government protects and blesses the citizens who are under that government. Bad government exposes everyone to danger and corruption, as you know if you’ve traveled to a country that has a corrupt government! Good family government protects and blesses the family. Good church government enables the members to grow and thrive in the Lord.

(3). God has ordained authority to develop godly character in those who submit.

Children grow to maturity as they submit to their parents, as illustrated even with Jesus (Luke 2:51–52). Wives become holy and blameless as they submit to their husbands (Eph. 5:24, 27). Church members grow as they submit to their leaders (Heb. 13:17; 1 Thess. 5:12–14). As Christian citizens, we grow in godliness as we submit to our government, in that submission itself is a trait of God as trinitarian. Even when an authority is unjust or ungodly, when we submit, we grow to be more like Jesus, who suffered unjustly for our sins (1 Pet. 2:18–23; 3:12–19). While there is a proper time and way to resist ungodly authority, we must be careful in how we do it (see Dan. 1:8–21).

(4). God has ordained authority to help us receive wisdom for life’s decisions.

Jesus said (John 6:38), “For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.” He often slipped away for prayer and through that means He knew what the Father wanted Him to do (see Mark 1:35–39). As we submit to God’s Word and seek the wisdom and counsel of those who are in authority over us (e.g., parents, church leaders), we can gain His wisdom for the important decisions in our lives.

To review, even in the Trinity there is an eternal hierarchy of authority and submission. God has instituted all human authority for four reasons: to accomplish His purposes; to protect and bless those under authority; to develop godly character in those who submit; and, to help us receive wisdom for life’s decisions. Thus,

1. To resist God-given authority means to thwart God’s purpose and protection in our lives.

Whoever resists authority removes himself from that protection and exposes himself to harm and punishment (Rom. 13:2; 1 Pet. 4:15). Rebellion against God-given authority is a serious sin (see 1 Sam. 15:23)!

Satan fell because he wanted to put himself on an equal plane of authority with God. This was the basis of his temptation to Eve, to eat of the fruit so that she would be like God (Gen. 3:5). He got her to resist Adam’s authority, because the command not to eat the fruit came to Eve through Adam (Gen. 2:16–17, 18ff.). Satan’s appeal was, “You don’t have to obey God or your husband. Make your own decisions! Be your own authority!” That has been his appeal to all fallen human beings ever since. It is safe to say that all defiance against God-given authority originates from Satan and puts those who resist authority in opposition to God Himself.

1. God has ordained authority in six areas:

I’ve already mentioned these, so I’m summarizing here. First, there is submission to God, who is the Sovereign of the universe (James 4:7). The fact that Jesus Christ is Lord means that He is God, which is why we should fear Him (as our text states). Second, there is submission to government leaders (Rom. 13:1–7; 1 Pet. 2:13–14). Third, there is submission to church leaders (Heb. 13:17; 1 Pet. 5:5; 1 Cor. 16:15–16). Fourth, there is submission of wives to husbands and of children to their parents (Eph. 5:22–6:4). Fifth, there is the submission of workers to employers (slaves to masters, Eph. 6:5–9). Sixth, there is mutual submission in the body of Christ (Eph. 5:21).

As I said, some strong expositors reject this last category, but there are also many that accept it. If there is a legitimate sense in which we are to submit to one another, it does not negate the other God-given areas of authority. Rather, it means that we are to set aside all self-seeking and selfish assertiveness and rather, humbly serve one another in love.

The supreme example is our Lord Jesus, who in the very context of washing the disciples’ feet made it clear that He was still the Lord and Teacher (John 13:13–15). He did not relinquish His authority when He submitted Himself to serve others. Rather, He did not demand His rights or lead by dominating others. He lived a life of sacrificial obedience to the Father, giving Himself on the cross to secure our redemption (Phil. 2:5–8). Even so, we are to follow His example (Phil. 2:3–4), “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” Why should we submit in this way to one another?

3. The motive for submitting ourselves to one another is that we fear Christ.

Paul says that we are to “be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” This is not the cringing fear of judgment, but rather the reverential fear that acknowledges Christ’s supremacy as Lord of the universe. It is the awe of knowing that God has put all things in subjection under Christ’s feet (Eph. 1:22), so that at the name of Jesus every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that He is Lord (Phil. 2:9–11). It is also the fear of grieving or disappointing the One who loved us and gave Himself for us (Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Life in the Spirit [Baker], pp. 77–78).

Our fallen human nature is not inclined toward submission. Even as believers, we have a strong propensity to resist authority. So we must first and foremost bow before Jesus as our Lord. When we fear Him, then we can more easily submit to the various spheres of human authority that He has ordained for our good.

The test of whether we are truly subject to God-ordained authority is whether we can submit joyfully. Grudging submission is perhaps better than no submission at all, but joyful submission shows that we are truly subject to God. Verse 21 is a continuation of the results of being filled with the Spirit, which include joyful singing and heartfelt thanks. You can’t divorce submission from these two preceding verses. Submission can be joyful, because we know that God has our good in view and that submission to proper human authority is ultimately submission to the Lord Himself (Eph. 5:22, 24; Rom. 13:2).

Also, when those in authority live in the fear of Christ, they will not abuse their authority. They will exercise authority in love and out of a desire to seek the highest good of those under authority. They know that one day they will give an account to the Judge of all (Heb. 13:17). So they view leadership not as an opportunity for personal advantage, but as a solemn responsibility to be exercised in the fear of Christ.

Conclusion

Let me ask a hard question: Are you a submissive person? Most importantly, are you submitting daily to Jesus as Lord of everything in your life? Are you subject to the government in obedience to Christ? Are you submitting to a local church and its leadership? As a wife, are you submitting to your husband (more on this next week!)? Children, are you subject to your parents? Workers, are you subject to your employer? And, for all of us, are you submitting yourself to others in selfless service for Christ’s sake? Do you look for needs in others and seek to minister to those needs? If you are filled with the Spirit, your relationships should be marked by joyful submission to others out of the fear of Christ.^[1]

 

🔹 1. Submission to God

James 4:7

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
– The foundation of all submission is to place ourselves under God’s authority.

Romans 12:1

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice… this is your true and proper worship.”
– Submission includes yielding your life and choices to God’s will.

🔹 2. Submission in Marriage

Ephesians 5:21–22

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”
– Mutual submission begins with Christ at the center.

Colossians 3:18–19

“Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
– Submission in marriage is complemented by sacrificial love.

1 Peter 3:1

“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over…”
– Submission can serve as a quiet testimony in the home.

🔹 3. Submission to Authority

Romans 13:1–2

“Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established…”
– Even civil authority is part of God’s order, and believers are called to respect it.

1 Peter 2:13–14

“Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human authority…”
– Our submission to human institutions reflects our reverence for God.

🔹 4. Submission Within the Church

Hebrews 13:17

“Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account.”
– Church leadership is to be respected and followed, with accountability to God.

Ephesians 5:21

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
– Mutual submission is a key part of unity in the body of Christ.

🔹 5. Submission as Christ Modeled

Philippians 2:5–8

“…he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!”
– Jesus’ submission is the ultimate model for Christian humility and obedience.

^[1] Steven J. Cole, “Lesson 47: Submitting to One Another (Ephesians 5:21),” in Ephesians, Steven J. Cole Commentary Series (Dallas: Galaxie Software, 2017), Eph 5:21.

“Hello! My name is Gary and I’m a grumbler.” If there were a Grumblers Anonymous, I wonder how many would join? Would you be a member? I don’t endorse 12 Step programs, but I admit that I have a grumbling problem!

Happy, joyful, grateful children reflect the goodness and love of their parents. When you see a grumbling, dour-faced child, you don’t immediately think, “He must come from a loving home!” Maybe his parents are in fact the most loving, caring people in the world, but the child’s unhappy countenance doesn’t reflect it. As children of the God who has blessed us with every blessing in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus (1:3), by our thankfulness in every situation we should reflect His goodness and love to a world that does not know Him.

Paul has already mentioned thankfulness in this chapter. In contrast to immorality, impurity, greed, and filthy talk, saints must give thanks (5:3–4). But now he brings it up again, because he knows how prone we are to grumbling. It’s a lifelong battle to cultivate a grateful heart in all things.

And it’s not optional. Peter O’Brien (The Letter to the Ephesians [Eerdmans/Apollos], p. 361) writes, “Thanksgiving is almost a synonym for the Christian life. It is the response of gratitude to God’s saving activity in creation and redemption, and thus a recognition that he is the ultimate source of every blessing.” C. H. Spurgeon observes (Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit [Pilgrim Publications], 19:68), “In heaven, we shall give thanks to God always for all things, without exception, and throughout eternity we shall magnify his holy name, through Jesus Christ our Lord.” So thanking Him now is just a warm-up for heaven. We should be growing continually in this grace.

Filled with the Spirit, believers are always to give thanks for all things to the Father through Jesus Christ.

In the context there is what O’Brien (p. 398) calls an “unconscious trinitarian focus,” which increases the force of it. He writes (ibid.), “Christians filled by the Holy Spirit give thanks to God the Father on the basis of who Jesus is and what he has accomplished for his people by his death and resurrection.”

1. To always give thanks to God for all things, we must be filled with the Holy Spirit.

As we’ve seen, verses 19–21 spell out the results of being filled with the Holy Spirit (5:18). To be filled with the Spirit is to be under the Spirit’s control, with every conscious area of our lives submitted to Him. It is to walk in dependence on the Holy Spirit, as opposed to carrying out the deeds of the flesh (Gal. 5:16). As we saw, the first result of being filled with the Spirit is joyful singing (Eph. 5:19). Closely related to that, the second result is a heart that is thankful to the Father in all things. To the extent that we grumble, we are not living under the Spirit’s control.

2. God wants us always to give thanks for all things.

If Paul had just said, “Often giving thanks for most things,” it would have been more realistic and doable. I can give thanks often and I can give thanks for most things. But he doesn’t allow us any exceptions! The Greek word for always means always, constantly, in every situation, including our trials. The Greek word for all things means all things!

What’s more frustrating, this guy really practiced this! He exulted in his trials, knowing that God was using them to produce perseverance, proven character, and hope (Rom. 5:3). When he was illegally beaten, imprisoned, and put in the stocks, he sang praises to God (Acts 16:25). When he was imprisoned in Rome with the local believers slandering him, he wrote to the Philippians, repeatedly mentioning his own thankfulness and joy and exhorting them to joy (Phil. 1:3–4, 18, 25; 3:1; 4:4, 10). It was from that same prison that he wrote our text, “always giving thanks for all things.”

It would seem that Paul deserved better treatment than this. After all, he was God’s chief apostle to the Gentiles. There were still many places where he wanted to preach the gospel. And, he had served God faithfully through many trials already. He had been imprisoned other times, beaten times without number, and had often been in danger of death. He had been stoned and shipwrecked. He had faced dangers of all sorts. He had often been impoverished and deprived of the normal comforts of life. Critics relentlessly attacked him. And, he had the continual pressure of the problems that plagued the various churches (see 2 Cor. 11:23–28). Didn’t Paul deserve a retirement condo overlooking the sea? But here, chained in a cold, stinking, stark Roman prison, he tells us always to give thanks in all things!

You may be thinking, does this mean that we’re supposed to give thanks when an earthquake or hurricane kills thousands of people? What if my loved ones are among the victims? What if I lose one of my children or my mate? Or what about when someone we love is the victim of a terrible crime? Are we to thank God that a little child was molested or that a young woman was raped and murdered? Should we thank God when we hear about terrorists blowing up innocent people? Doesn’t God Himself hate sin? How can we thank Him for it? Isn’t mourning a more appropriate response than thankfulness?

We should never thank God for the sin that He hates. We should hate it, too (Ps. 97:10). Scripture clearly gives us a time to mourn and grieve over tragedies (Rom. 12:15). But, while we recognize that God is not the author of evil, we can thank Him that even evil is a part of the “all things” that He works together for good to His chosen ones (Rom. 8:28). As just stated, He uses these trials to produce perseverance, proven character, and hope in His children (Rom. 5:3). So, while we may not thank God for evil deeds or for things such as sickness, death, and natural disasters, which are the result of the fall, we can thank Him in the midst of these trials as we look to His promises and the hope of heaven.

Skeptics will sometimes taunt, how could a God of love, who could have prevented it if He chose to, allow little children to be sold into sexual slavery? How can He allow children to be abused or murdered? How can He allow all of the unjust suffering in the world?

My rejoinder is, how does it solve the problem to remove God from the equation? If there is no God of love, then you have a brutal, hopeless, pointless world where weak people are victims of the ruthless and strong. In such a world, suffering is pointless and there will be no future judgment to right the wrongs and punish the evildoers. It’s just a dog-eat-dog world where some have it worse than others do. That view offers no hope to anyone!

But the Bible proclaims that because God exists, there is hope. He works all things together for good for His called ones (Rom. 8:28). There is an eternity beyond the grave when He will reward the innocent and righteously punish the wicked. And so we can always give thanks to Him in all things because we have His certain promise of eternal life.

On a practical note, I find that it’s often more difficult to give thanks for minor frustrations and irritations than for the major trials that come. When major trials hit, I’m usually aware that God is dealing with me. So I stop and pray and try to figure out what He wants me to learn. But in the minor, day-to-day sort of hassles, I tend not to bring God into the picture. Why is this slow driver in front of me when I’m in a hurry? Why did my baby keep me up all night when I’ve got an important day at work? Why am I getting repeated interruptions when I’m trying to meet a deadline? In those kinds of minor frustrations, I’ve got to stop, acknowledge God’s sovereignty over them, and thank Him in the midst of them. I’m still working on that lesson!

3. To always give thanks for all things, focus on and joyfully submit to God the Father.
4. To always give thanks for all things, deliberately focus on God the Father.

(1). This focus must be deliberate, especially in times of trial.

I’ve always loved Psalm 57, which David wrote from a cave when Saul was seeking to kill him. If I were holed up in a cave with a mad king and his army trying to kill me, I probably would not have written Psalm 57! If I had written a song at all, the refrain would have been, “God, save my life!” But David wrote a psalm about God being exalted above the heavens and His glory being over all the earth! In the midst of that psalm, he writes (Ps. 57:7), “My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises!”

Did you notice how deliberate David is? It’s as if he says, “My heart is steadfast, O God,” and then his heart wavers in fear. So he repeats, “my heart is steadfast!” He declares, “I will sing,” but then he thinks, “Singing is a dumb thing to do when you’re hiding in a cave from a crazed king who is trying to kill you!” So, David deliberately repeats, “yes, I will sing praises!” You won’t thank God always for all things without this deliberate focus. The reason that thankfulness was so prevalent in the apostle Paul was that God was so deliberately prominent in his life.

(2). Focus on the Father’s sovereignty.

The “all things” of Ephesians 5:20 is the same “all things” of Ephesians 1:11, which says that God has predestined us “according to His purpose who works all things after the counsel of His will.” It’s the same “all things” of Ephesians 1:22, which tells us that God “put all things in subjection under His [Christ’s] feet.” As we’ve seen, it’s the same “all things” of Romans 8:28, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

There is a false teaching in our day called “open theism.” The proponents of it deny the absolute sovereignty and omniscience of God. They claim that when tragedies happen, God is just as perplexed and vexed over it as we are. It’s taught at a large church in our town. I once attended a funeral there for a young woman who had been killed in a car accident. The pastor pronounced authoritatively, “This was not God’s will.”

I think he was trying to get God off the hook for the accident, but in my estimation, he completely removed any source of comfort for those who were grieving this young woman’s death. Was her death due to bad luck? Did Satan pull one over on God? There is no comfort in either of those alternatives. The only comfort when bad things happen is that of Joseph, who told his brothers (Gen. 50:20), “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result to preserve many people alive.” Our main source of comfort in any trial, major or minor, is that our Father in heaven is sovereign.

(3). Focus on the Father’s love.

Paul says that we should give thanks to God, but he doesn’t stop there. He adds, “even the Father.” The phrase could be translated, “our God and Father. Through faith in Jesus Christ, we know God as our Father. David put it (Ps. 103:13), “Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.”

Because God is our loving Father, who shows tender compassion toward us as His children, we can be assured that the trials which He sovereignly allows into our lives are not permitted in a cold or capricious manner. Rather, He lovingly sends them to conform us to the image of His Son, “who learned obedience from the things which He suffered” (Heb. 5:8).

We need to keep in mind that even earthly fathers see things from a different perspective than their children do. Children see things in the here and now. “I want a cookie now!” The wise father (or mother) says, “No, that would not be good for you right now.” Often children lack discernment. They don’t perceive the dangerous consequences of their actions. If they were left to their own devices, without the guidance and restraint of a loving parent, they would quickly destroy themselves.

But a loving father sees the long-range perspective of what will be good for his children. He requires them to study when they would rather play, because he knows that it would be detrimental for them to grow up without learning important subjects. He requires them to eat proper food and to get proper rest and exercise, because he knows the long-range consequences if they don’t. Even though some of these things are not the most pleasant activities in the short run, the father knows what is best in the long run.

Our heavenly Father has eternity in view, whereas we usually can’t see much beyond the present. He doesn’t always reveal to us why He does what He does, but He asks us to trust Him as our loving Father, even when we can’t understand His reasons for our trials. To give thanks always for all things, focus deliberately on God’s sovereignty and His love.

(4). Focus on God’s many blessings, but especially on His salvation.

The fact that He can be called, “our Lord Jesus Christ” and “our God and Father,” brings into focus the reality of the salvation that He has freely given to us. As John puts it (1 John 3:1), “See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are.” Formerly, we were dead in our sins, under Satan’s evil domain, and children of wrath. But God poured out His rich mercy and love upon us (2:1–7). Formerly, we were (2:12–13) “separate from Christ, excluded from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.”

Or, as Paul puts it (Rom. 8:32), “He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?” Read that great chapter, which begins with no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus and ends with absolutely nothing that can separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord, and you will be filled with thankfulness, even in the midst of your trials! But there is another element in addition to this deliberate focus on God:

1. To always give thanks for all things, joyfully submit to God.

When we encounter trials, our sinful tendency is to become defiant. Either we think, “I don’t deserve this! Look at all that I’ve done for You, God! Send your trials to the wicked, but not to me!” Or, we throw a pity party: “Poor me! Why is this happening to me? I’ve done so much for God. I’ve been so faithful. Now this!” Both attitudes stem from pride. I’m thinking more highly of myself than I ought to think, that I deserve better. Or, I’m thinking that I know better than God does what is best for me. So to be thankful, I’ve got to submit to His sovereign, all-wise, loving hand in my trials.

But it’s not good enough to grit my teeth, put on my martyr’s face, and grimly submit. Also, we must joyfully submit to God. This verse is a part of the sentence that includes verse 19, “singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord.”

Joyful submission is essential because God’s reputation is at stake. If we grumble, the world thinks that our God must not be a loving, gracious, kind Father. Judging by how miserable we seem to be, He must be rather mean and ornery. Certainly, our grim demeanor would not cause anyone to say, “I’d like to know your God so that I can be as unhappy and miserable as you are!” And so our submission to God in our trials must be a joyful submission. We can be joyful because we know that He loves us and He does all things to conform us to the image of His Son. There’s a final thing:

4. We give thanks to the Father for all things through Jesus Christ.

All of God’s blessings come to us through Jesus Christ (1:3). He chose us in Him (1:4). He predestined us to adoption through Him (1:5). In Him we have redemption through His blood (1:7). “He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention which He purposed in Him” (1:9). “In Him also we have obtained an inheritance” (1:11). In Him, we have been sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise (1:13). It’s all in Him!

In our text, “in His name” refers to everything that Jesus is and all that He has done for us (O’Brien, p. 398). To thank God in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ means that we thank Him that Jesus was willing to leave the glory of heaven and come to die for our sins. As Paul says in Philippians 2:9–11, “For this reason also [because Jesus willingly humbled Himself to death on a cross], God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” So, filled with the Spirit, we are always to give thanks for all things to the Father through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for our sins.

Conclusion

Matthew Henry was once robbed. How can you possibly give thanks to God when you’ve been robbed? That night Henry wrote in his diary: “Let me be thankful, first, because I was never robbed before. Second, because although they took my purse, they did not take my life. Third, because although they took my all, it was not much. Fourth, because it was I who was robbed, not I who robbed” (Encyclopedia of 7,700 Illustrations [Assurance Publishers], by Paul Lee Tan, # 6578).

If like me, you’re prone to grumbling, ask God each day to help you to be filled with the Spirit and always to give thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father. Then, rather than grumbling, you will prove to be a child of God above reproach, shining like a light in the midst of a crooked, perverse, and grumbling generation, holding forth the word of life (Phil. 2:14–16).^[1]

 

 

 

Here is a biblical commentary on thankfulness, supported with key scriptures from both the Old and New Testaments. Gratitude is not only a response to blessings but a defining mark of a life grounded in faith and trust in God.

🌿 Commentary on Thankfulness in Scripture

🔹 1. Thankfulness is a Command, Not Just a Feeling

The Bible doesn’t treat gratitude as optional or occasional. We are called to be thankful in all circumstances, not just when things are going well.

Scripture:

• 1 Thessalonians 5:18 – “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

Even in hardship, we are to thank God—not necessarily for the pain, but for His presence, purposes, and promises within it.

🔹 2. Gratitude Guards Against Bitterness and Pride

Being thankful humbles us. It reminds us that every good thing comes from God, not from our own strength or merit.

Scripture:

• James 1:17 – “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights…”
• Deuteronomy 8:10–14 – “When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God… be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God.”

Thankfulness protects the heart from forgetting God when life is good.

🔹 3. Thankfulness is Central to Worship

True worship flows from a heart that remembers what God has done.

Scripture:

• Psalm 100:4 – “Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.”

Gratitude brings us into God’s presence with the right posture of the heart.

🔹 4. Thankfulness Brings Peace

Gratitude shifts our focus from what we lack to what God has already given. It’s a key to experiencing peace even in anxious situations.

Scripture:

• Philippians 4:6–7 – “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

Gratitude is part of the path to God’s peace.

🔹 5. Jesus Modeled Thankfulness

Even Jesus gave thanks—before meals, before miracles, and in prayer—showing it’s a vital part of spiritual life.

Scripture:

• John 11:41 – “Father, I thank you that you have heard me.” (Before raising Lazarus)
• Luke 22:19 – “And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it…” (At the Last Supper)

If Jesus practiced gratitude, so should we.

🔹 6. Thankfulness is the Fruit of a Spirit-Filled Life

Living in the Spirit results in continual thanksgiving, not just seasonal appreciation.

Scripture:

• Ephesians 5:18–20 – “Be filled with the Spirit… always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

🔹 7. Thankfulness is Eternal

Gratitude won’t end in this life—it will be part of eternal worship.

Scripture:

• Revelation 7:12 – “Amen! Praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever. Amen!”

🙏 Summary:

Thankfulness is more than politeness—it’s a spiritual discipline, a shield against anxiety and pride, and a way to glorify God. In every season, the call of Scripture is to “give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever” (Psalm 136:1).

^[1] Steven J. Cole, “Lesson 46: Always Giving Thanks for All Things (Ephesians 5:20),” in Ephesians, Steven J. Cole Commentary Series (Dallas: Galaxie Software, 2017), Eph 5:20.

The late Dr. Albert Schweitzer, famous missionary, medical doctor, and musician, was asked, “What is the best way to raise children?” He replied, “There are three ways: 1) By example, 2) By example, and 3) By example” (cited by Doug Spangler, American Baby [August, 1979], p. 35).

He was certainly right. By your actions, your words, and your attitudes in the home, your children learn to follow in your footsteps.

The apostle Paul knew the importance of example in teaching others. He told the Corinthians that he was their father in the gospel and then added (1 Cor. 4:16), “Therefore I exhort you, be imitators of me.” Later in the same letter, he repeated (11:1), “Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.” He also told the Thessalonians (1 Thess. 1:6), “you also became imitators of us and of the Lord….” Using the examples both of a tender, nursing mother and an affectionate father, he told them that he had imparted to them not only the gospel, but also his own life (1 Thess. 2:7–11). Jesus told us to imitate God when He said (Luke 6:36), “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” He went even further when He commanded (Matt. 5:48), “Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

After showing us specifically how we are to put off the old way of life and put on the new man in Christ (4:22–32), Paul sums it up in one comprehensive command, calling us to be imitators of God and to walk in love, just as Christ also loved us and gave Himself for us. Our text also serves to introduce the next subject on moral purity, as it contrasts God’s way of love with the worldly way of lust. Martyn Lloyd Jones (Darkness and Light [Baker], p. 291) says that here “we come to what is perhaps Paul’s supreme argument, to the highest level of all in doctrine and in practice, to the ultimate ideal.” He points out that Paul is laying down here a principle that governs everything. The entire Christian life may be summed up as a life of imitating God as beloved children as we walk in love. As Paul points out elsewhere (Rom. 13:8–10), if we love one another we have fulfilled God’s law. So Paul is saying,

As God’s beloved children, we are to imitate Him in loving one another, just as Christ sacrificially loved us.

1. To imitate God, we must be His beloved children.

Note two things in the phrase, “as beloved children”:

1. We are God’s children through the new birth and through adoption.

Contrary to much popular thought, all people are not children of God. There is a general sense in which we all are God’s children by virtue of the fact that He created us (Acts 17:28). But the Bible is clear that we become children of God when we are born into His family through a spiritual new birth. In his classic, Knowing God [IVP, p. 181), J. I. Packer writes, “What is a Christian? The question can be answered in many ways, but the richest answer I know is that a Christian is one who has God for his Father.”

John 1:12–13 states, “But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.” Or, 1 Peter 1:3 puts it, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.” Also, as we saw (Eph. 1:5), “In love, He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will.”

These two analogies (the new birth and adoption) bring out different important aspects of our relationship with God. The new birth pictures the fact that God must impart new life to us if we are to be in a relationship with Him. Religion, even theologically correct religion, is not enough to get a person into heaven. Nicodemus, who came to talk with Jesus, was a Jewish leader. He knew the Old Testament scriptures and he practiced the Jewish religious rituals. But Jesus told him (John 3:3), “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” When the Spirit of God imparts new life to us, we enter into a relationship with God the Father through faith in His Son Jesus.

The adoption picture emphasizes God’s sovereign choice of us as His own children. Just as parents who adopt a child pick the child they wish to adopt, so God chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world. But the difference is, human parents often pick the child who is the most attractive or cute. But God chose us knowing that we would be sinful and rebellious towards Him. You will never understand God’s great love until you understand the terrible depths of sin from which He rescued you. From the gutters of sin, by grace alone He brought you into His house and gave you all of the privileges of being His beloved child.

If you wonder, “How can I know if I’m born again?” I would answer, “First, do you believe in Christ alone as your only hope for forgiveness of sins and eternal life? And, do you see evidence that God has changed your heart?” Faith in Christ is the main evidence that you have been born of God (John 1:12–13). And, if He has imparted new life to you, you will see evidence of it in your heart. You will have a new desire to love Christ, to obey Him, and to know Him more intimately. You will love His Word. You will love His people. (See First John for many such evidences.)

1. We are His beloved children.

Every father has a special love for his own children. As I’ve said before, I never realized how much my own father loved me until I held my firstborn in my arms. One father described his love for his baby girl this way (Paul Lee Tan, Encyclopedia of 7,700 Illustrations [Assurance Publishers], # 1941):

When I go home from here, I expect to take my baby on my knee, look into her sweet eyes, listen to her charming prattle, and tired as I am, her presence will rest me; for I love that child with an unutterable tenderness. But she loves me little. If my heart were breaking, it would not disturb her sleep. If my body were racked with pain, it would not interrupt her play. If I were dead, she would forget me in a few days. Besides this, she has never brought me a penny, but instead is a constant expense to me. I am not rich, but there is not enough money in the world to buy my baby. How is it? Does she love me or do I love her? Do I withhold my love until I know she loves me? Am I waiting for her to do something worthy of my love before extending it?

No matter how much an earthly father loves his children, the heavenly Father loves His own beloved children much more. As John exclaimed (1 John 3:1), “See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are.” To imitate God, you must be one of His beloved children.

2. To imitate God, we must know Him and His ways.

You cannot imitate someone that you do not know. During the summer of 1970, I got paid to impersonate Charlie Chaplin at the Movieland Wax Museum in Southern California. To imitate Chaplin, I had to watch many of his movies and study how he acted. I had to learn to walk in the funny way that he walked. I studied his facial expressions. I had a blast, getting my picture taken with thousands of people from all over the world. But I had to know Chaplin and his ways.

1. To know God, we must understand who He is as revealed in His Word.

God has revealed Himself to us through His Word, the Bible. It is crucial that we come to know God as He has revealed Himself and not God as our culture portrays Him or God as we would like Him to be. For example, I have often heard people say, “My God is a God of love, not a God of judgment.” The implication of that statement is that this “God” tolerates our sin. The problem is, this is not the God of the Bible. Yes, He is love (1 John 4:7); but also He is holy and disciplines His children so that we may share His holiness (Heb. 12:10; see also, Exod. 34:6–7). So we must learn of God and His ways through God’s written revelation to us, the Bible. And we must submit to God as He is revealed in the Bible.

1. To know God and His ways, we must often spend time with Him in His Word and in prayer.

A child who spends very little time with his father will not be greatly influenced by him. Influence is directly proportional to time spent together. When a father spends time with his children, they will pick up his mannerisms, for good or for bad. They will see how he treats their mother and learn how to relate to others. They will see his moral standards and be influenced to follow the same standards. They will hear his language, whether it is kind or abusive, and repeat it in their speech.

Paul said (Phil. 3:8), “I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” David prayed (Ps. 25:4–5), “Make me know Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You I wait all the day.”

That kind of ever-deepening knowledge of God and His ways only comes through time spent in His Word and in prayer. If you want God to change you, so that you imitate Him in the way that you think and how you respond emotionally and how you relate to others and how you deal with trials, you must be diligent to spend consistent time alone with Him. There are no shortcuts!

Thus to imitate God, we must be His beloved children and we must know Him and His ways through His Word.

3. To imitate God, we must walk in love, just as Christ also loved us and gave Himself up for us.

To imitate God is comprehensive. It includes speaking the truth, because He is the God of truth. It includes being faithful in our dealings with others, because He is a faithful God. It includes being holy in all our behavior, because He is holy. But the characteristic that Paul mentions to sum it all up is love (5:2): “and walk in love, just as Christ also loved us and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.” To be like God, we must walk in love. Christ is the supreme example of love.

1. To walk in love, we must understand a biblical (not cultural) definition of love.

Our culture uses the word “love” for everything from, “I love pizza,” to “I love my dog,” to “I love my wife.” Hopefully, there is a difference in those references! But, also, we tend to view love as a nice, warm, fuzzy, feeling. It’s kind of magical when it hits, but when it goes away, alas, we can’t do anything to get it back! Thus I’ve had Christian spouses tell me, “I just don’t love my mate any more, so we’re getting a divorce.”

We cannot imitate God in loving one another unless we understand what God’s love is. The supreme demonstration of God’s love was when He gave His own Son to die for us on the cross. As John 3:16 proclaims, “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son….” Or, Paul tells husbands (Eph. 5:25), “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Jesus told the disciples (John 15:13), “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” And, He told us that we are to love one another, even as He has loved us (John 13:34). From these and other references, I have hammered out this definition of love:

Love is a self-sacrificing, caring commitment that shows itself by seeking the highest good of the one loved.

There are five elements of this definition:

• God’s love is a costly love.

He gave His own Son. Christ willingly laid down His life for His church. While we seldom have to go so far as actually to die for others, we often have to lay aside our selfishness, our pride, and our rights in order to practice God’s love towards others.

• God’s love is a caring love.

“Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him” (Ps. 103:13). God cares for us more than any earthly father ever could (1 Pet. 5:7). If we think about someone, “I couldn’t care less what happens to him,” we do not love him. Love cares deeply.

• God’s love is a committed love.

Christ didn’t go to the cross because it felt good! Rather, He was committed to do the will of the Father and He was committed to save His people from their sins. Feelings come and go, but commitment is the glue that makes love endure. “Love never fails” (1 Cor. 13:8).

• God’s love is a conspicuous love.

It “shows itself.” In other words, it is not just nice thoughts, but also evident deeds (1 John 3:17).

• God’s love is a consecrating love.

It is committed to seek the highest good of the one loved. Because Christ loved the church, He also purposed to sanctify her, “that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot of wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless” (Eph. 5:27). This means that love must sometimes exhort and correct and impose consequences for sinful behavior. But I’ll warn you: if you confront a professing Christian who is in sin, you will very likely be accused of being unloving. But it is unloving to allow anyone to go on in his sin. To imitate God by walking in love, we must begin with this biblical definition.

1. To walk in love is a lifelong process.

This is the fifth time that Paul has used the word “walk” in Ephesians. In 2:2, he mentions how we used to walk in our sins. In 2:10, he says that we are now to walk in the good deeds which God prepared beforehand for us. In 4:1, he says that we should walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which we have been called. In 4:17, he says that we should not walk as the Gentiles also walk, in the futility of their mind. He will go on to say (5:8) that we must walk as children of Light and (5:15) that we must walk carefully, not as unwise men but as wise.

The word “walk” implies a step-by-step, slow but steady process. It refers to our entire manner of life. Paul has already said that we must walk “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love” (4:2). He has said that we must speak the truth in love (4:15), so that the body will build itself up in love (4:16). Love is the main responsibility of the Christian husband (5:25, 28, 33). Incorruptible love for Jesus Christ is the mark of all believers (6:24).

The point is, the longer you are a Christian, the more your life should be characterized by love. As Paul puts it (1 Thess. 4:9–10), “Now as to the love of the brethren, you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another; for indeed you do practice it toward all the brethren who are in all Macedonia. But we urge you, brethren, to excel still more.” Or (Phil. 1:9), “And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment….” It’s a lifelong process, but we must strive to grow in it.

1. To walk in love, we must look to Christ, who is both our atoning sacrifice and our supreme example.

To know Christ only as your example is not enough. He is our example, of course, but the foundation for following Christ’s example of love is to trust in His atoning sacrifice for your sins. The two terms, “offering and sacrifice,” “include all kinds of sacrifices, both grain and animal” (Peter O’Brien, The Letter to the Ephesians [Eerdmans/Apollos], p. 355). Christ offered Himself to God as our sacrifice. His death satisfied the justice and wrath of God against our sin, which is the meaning of the phrase, “a fragrant aroma.” You must come to the cross and trust in Christ as your atoning sacrifice in order to be reconciled to God. Then, with the power of His indwelling Holy Spirit, you can follow Christ as your example.

Study how Christ loved people. In a nutshell, He was kind and gentle with the broken, but He was forceful and direct with proud hypocrites. Sometimes He was forceful and blunt with His own disciples, as when He hit Peter hard: “Get behind Me, Satan; for you are not setting your mind on God’s interests, but man’s” (Mark 8:33). But, His loyal love brought Peter and the others through all of their failures to become the godly apostles of the early church. Look to Jesus Christ as your supreme example of love.

1. To walk in love, especially with those that are difficult to love, allow Christ’s sacrificial love to motivate you.

Christ took the initiative to give Himself on our behalf, even while we were yet sinners (Rom. 5:8). There was nothing in us to motivate Him to love us, but He did it out of His own loving nature and to please the Father. In contrast to the Gentiles, who gave themselves over to immorality (4:19), Jesus gave Himself over (same Greek verb) to death on our behalf (5:2). Now, He calls on us sacrificially to love those who may not be very lovable. Since God is love, we imitate Him by walking in love, motivated by Christ’s sacrificial love that saved us from our sins (Gal. 2:20).

Conclusion

I conclude with three practical applications:

First, to love others commit yourself to the glory of God. Jesus went to the cross to glorify the Father in obedience to His will (John 17:1–5). Your main motivation in loving others should be to glorify God. The reason I say this is, I have seen people who love others for the response that they hope to get from those that they love. But sometimes people don’t reciprocate your love. Sometimes they betray you or slander you. If you love them for the potential response, you’ll burn out. You must love others in order to please and glorify God.

Second, to love others commit yourself to the Lord’s Supper. It is given so that we will remember what Jesus did for us on the cross. If we forget His supreme sacrifice for us, we will have difficulty sacrificially loving others. His love motivates us to love one another.

Finally, to love others commit yourself to the body of Christ, the church. It’s easy to love mankind in general, but it’s more difficult to love the specific individuals in a particular local church. But love is a commitment to seek one another’s highest good. This is one reason for church membership. It is the commitment that enables us to work through differences and misunderstandings. Without that commitment, it’s just too easy to move down the road to the next church. But, guess what? That church will have difficult people too, because every church is made up of fallen people. To walk in love, you must be committed to work through relational struggles.

A little boy was following his dad, who was walking in fresh snow. He called out, “Look, daddy, I’m walking in your footsteps!” Our heavenly Father in the person of His own dear Son, walked in love to the cross for us. Imitate Him by walking in His footsteps of sacrificial love!^[1]

^[1] Steven J. Cole, “Lesson 39: Imitating the God of Love (Ephesians 5:1–2),” in Ephesians, Steven J. Cole Commentary Series (Dallas: Galaxie Software, 2017), Eph 5:1–2.

A 27-year-old man pleaded guilty to assault after he was arrested for accosting a 59-year-old woman in St. Paul, Minnesota. They were waiting for a bus when he began yelling at her, “Why don’t you show me some respect?” When she took out a cell phone to call police, he hit her in the face.

When a 63-year-old man intervened, the angry young man hit him with a folder, which fell on the ground as he fled.

Police tracked the man down after finding his name in the folder, along with his homework from an anger management class, where he was headed when he lost his temper and hit the woman (Flag Live [March 6-12, 2008])! Well, I guess we can be glad that he’s working on the problem!

Anger is a huge problem, not only in the world, but also in the church.

During my 44+ years in the ministry, I’ve seen many Christian marriages break up because of abusive anger.

I’ve even heard of ministers who use anger to intimidate and control their families and to dominate others in the church.

I have seen fathers and mothers who are abusively angry towards their children, usually under the excuse of exercising biblical discipline.

I’ve seen church members angry with other church members to the point of leaving the church, rather than be reconciled.

Almost always, those who are angry deny it. In light of the enormity of this problem, we may rightly be puzzled at Paul’s command in our text, “Be angry, and do not sin.”

The NIV interprets the phrase with its paraphrase, “In your anger, do not sin.” It is literally a command, quoted from the Septuagint version of Psalm 4:4: “Be angry, and do not sin.”

Why would Paul command us to be angry, especially in light of what he commands just a few verses later (4:31), that we put away “all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor” [yelling]?

The NIV paraphrase is one interpretation, that Paul is acknowledging that we all get angry, but is telling us not to sin when we do.

Paul is using the citation of Psalm 4 to say that we should be angry about some things, but even then we need to be careful so that it does not become sinful anger.

In the context of Psalm 4, David is being falsely accused by his enemies who are seeking his life. In verse 4, he is probably addressing his over-zealous supporters, who would quickly settle accounts by giving vent to their fierce anger (see Derek Kidner, Psalms 1-72 [IVP], p. 56).

The Hebrew verb is literally, “Tremble,” which the translators of the LXX understood to be, “tremble with anger.” The idea is, “Be angry enough so that you don’t passively acquiesce to sin, but don’t allow your anger to boil over into sinful vengeance or excessive reaction.”

Keep in mind that Paul is telling us specific ways in which we need to put off the old way of life and put on the new.

One characteristic of the world is that worldly people do not get angry about the right things. They see sins that destroy people, shrug their shoulders and say, “Whatever!” Or, even worse, they laugh at these sins as they are portrayed on the evil sitcoms on TV. In this apathy toward sin, they are very un-godlike.

God hates sin and He displays His righteous wrath against it (Rom. 1:18). Since sin destroys people, God would be neither righteous nor loving if He did not hate sin with a holy passion.

And, if we want to be godly people, we must learn to hate sin. First of all we must hate and be angry at sin in ourselves. We must take the log out of our own eye first!

But, also, we must be angry at the sin and injustice that we see in the world. But, in our righteous anger, we must be careful, lest we fall into sin. So Paul here is saying,

When you are righteously angry, deal with it promptly, carefully, and biblically, so that the devil does not gain an opportunity in your life.

All of the sins that Paul deals with in this section (4:25-5:2) disrupt the unity of the body (which is the theme of 4:1-16). The positive actions and attitudes that we are to put on in place of these sinful behaviors all contribute to the unity of the body. Our motive in seeking to preserve the unity of the body should be to glorify our Lord, who gave Himself for the church. With that in mind, let’s think about how to apply Paul’s command here.

1. Righteous anger is a God-given emotion that can help if you process it biblically.

As I said, righteous anger is an attribute of God. It reflects His settled opposition to and hatred of sin. Jesus, who never sinned, was righteously angry. When the Pharisees opposed Jesus for healing on the Sabbath, Mark 3:5 states of Jesus, “After looking around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart….” Although the Bible does not use the word “anger” to describe Jesus’ cleansing of the temple, it does not require a stretch of imagination to conclude that He was very angry with the sin of those who were making a profit in that place of worship. The same may be said when He pronounced woe after woe on the Jewish religious leaders for leading the people astray (Matthew 23). When He comes again in power and glory, He will tread “the wine press of the fierce wrath of God the Almighty” (Rev. 19:15).

This means that as we grow to be more like Jesus, we will also grow in righteous anger towards sin. First and foremost, we should be angry at our own sin, which should lead us to take whatever drastic steps are needed to deal with it.

In Matthew 5:21-22, Jesus links the sin of anger with the command against murder and says that those who do not deal with this sin are headed for hell.

A few verses later, He says the same thing about the sin of lust, telling us to pluck out our eye or cut off our hand, rather than go to hell. He did not mean it literally, of course, but He used this graphic, drastic language to say that we must hate our sin with a passion.

And, with proper constraint and carefulness (which I will describe in a moment), we need to be righteously angry at sin in others. I would probably never write a letter to the editor of the paper if I didn’t get angry about what I read there. The anger motivates me to proper action. I would never go to the hassle of confronting someone in sin if I were not angry and grieved at how the sin is destroying lives.

So, if you hear of a man who is ruining his family because of sexual sin or because of sinful anger, you should get angry. If you hear of someone who is dividing a local church over petty issues or by spreading gossip, anger is a proper response.

If you hear of a little child who is being mistreated, it should anger you. Anger is the proper response in each situation because it is God’s response. We have to be very careful in how we process our anger, but we would be wrong not to be angry in those situations, because apathy towards sin is not a godly response.

I might add that even unbiblical anger may be useful, in that it often reveals blind spots in your life that you need to address. Just as what you laugh about reveals much of your heart, so also what you get mad about reveals much of your heart. My anger at slow drivers who don’t let you pass reveals my impatience, which is sin. This leads to the second point:

2. When you are angry, you must determine whether it is righteous or unrighteous anger.

This is not always an easy task, because anger is a strong emotion, and when you are emotional, you’re not very rational! So you need to cool down enough to think rationally and biblically about your anger. God confronted Cain with his anger by asking (Gen. 4:6), “Why are you angry?” Of course, God wasn’t puzzled about Cain’s anger! He wanted Cain to analyze his own anger (see, also, Jonah 4:4). Matthew Henry (Matthew Henry’s Commentary [Scripture Truth Book Company], 6:707) cites one who says, “If we would be angry and not sin, we must be angry at nothing but sin; and we should be more jealous for the glory of God than for any interest or reputation of our own.” That’s a helpful guideline!

A. Righteous anger is a reaction to sin or injustice, usually against others.

As I said, we need to be angry at our own sin, but when someone sins against us, we need to be careful. We may feel angry, but we need to check our anger and respond with compassion and understanding towards the other person. Remember the parable that Jesus told (Matt. 18:23-35) about the slave who owed his master an astronomical sum, which the master graciously forgave. Then the slave went out and grabbed a fellow slave who owed him far less by comparison, but couldn’t repay. In a rage had him thrown into prison. A major point of that story is that when we are wronged, we need to keep in mind how much God has forgiven us, so that we show compassion towards those who have wronged us.

But when we see someone else who is sinned against or we see some terrible injustice that is done towards a class of people, it should move us to enough anger to take action as we are able.

I realize that we must pick our battles or else our every waking moment would be consumed with speaking out against the abundant evils of our culture. But I can’t help but wonder whether our nation would have abolished or greatly restricted abortion on demand if more Christians had expressed outrage at this terrible sin.

Would our culture tolerate pornography, gambling, and drunkenness, if God’s people wrote letters to legislators and to newspapers, speaking out against these destructive sins?

When we see sin or injustice against others, it should move us to righteous anger, which should motivate us to action. But, we must be careful because it is easy to confuse righteous anger with unrighteous.

B. Unrighteous anger is a reaction based almost always on selfishness.

If you analyze your own anger, you will probably come to the embarrassing conclusion, as I have, that most of it stems from pure selfishness. Like a two-year-old throwing a tantrum, I am angry because I wanted my way and I didn’t get my way!

I had a right to something and my rights were violated! Even most frustration, which is borderline anger, stems from the same thing. I want to get somewhere in a hurry, and this stupid driver ahead of me is going under the speed limit. I’m frustrated because I’m not getting my way! Or, if others don’t see things my way, I’m frustrated with their “insensitivity” or “stupidity.”

All of these angry feelings stem from my inherent selfishness. All such anger is really ultimately directed against the sovereign God. If He would just do it my way, I wouldn’t be in these frustrating circumstances! It’s embarrassing, but if you will analyze your own anger, I think you’ll agree that most of it is due to simple selfishness.

Also, in the Bible anger is almost always sinful if it is quickly and explosively expressed. Paul says that love is both patient and not provoked (1 Cor. 13:4, 5). James 1:19-20 states, “But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” Proverbs 17:14 states, “The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out.” The picture is that of the devastation that happens when a dam breaks. You will hear people say, “I just explode and then it’s all over!” Yes, just like a bomb—but look at the devastation!

Paul says, “Be angry and do not sin” (the NASB translators added yet). How can we be angry and at the same time avoid sin?

3. Deal with all anger promptly, carefully, and biblically.

We will deal further with unrighteous anger when we get to verses 31-32. But for now, here are seven ways to deal with your anger in a prompt, careful, and biblical manner:

A. Control your anger.

You may be thinking, “That’s my problem! I can’t control it! Before I even think about it, I explode. I just have a short fuse!” But, the truth of the matter is that you can control it. You just do not want to control it, because controlling it means judging your own selfishness, which is at the root of most of it.

You can control your anger because God commands it. Often in Scripture God commands us to control our anger. He would not do so if it were impossible.

The fruit of the Spirit is self-control, which certainly includes the control of anger. Not to control your anger is to deny the power of the gospel in your life and it is to deny the principle of the one body of Christ.

If you smash your thumb with a hammer, you don’t cut off the thumb in anger for getting in the way, or whack off the hand that held the hammer for being so careless. Rather, you nurture the sore thumb back to health because it’s part of your body.

If you remember that you are members of the same body with other believers, you will control your anger.

Furthermore, you can control your anger because your experience proves it. Suppose for the sake of illustration (this is purely hypothetical!), you and your mate are having an angry quarrel when the phone rings. I am on the other end. How do you speak with me? In a cheery voice you instantly turn off your anger and say, “Hello, minister! Yes, we’re all fine around here!” You’re controlling your anger instantly because you don’t want to be embarrassed. You do the same thing at work when your boss irritates you. You control your anger because you don’t want to lose your job. So you can control your anger. It’s just that often you don’t want to!

B. Analyze your anger as to whether it is righteous, unrighteous, or mixed.

I’ve already touched on this, but I mention it again because it’s a tricky process. Often, even righteous anger gets mixed up with selfish motives. Maybe I’m in a theological debate, defending God’s truth with a fair amount of passion. Maybe, but often my passion is not so much for God’s glory as it is for my being right! So you have to sort it all out and judge your pride.

C. Be careful with all anger, since it can easily move from righteous to unrighteous.

As I said, Jacob’s sons were probably righteously angry, but they let it move into sinful anger. We are so easily governed by selfish motives that we need to be very careful when we feel angry.

When a village of the Samaritans would not receive Jesus, James and John were indignant. They asked Jesus (Luke 9:54), “Lord, do You want us to command fire to come down from heaven and consume them?”

They could have cited chapter and verse for that response, because that’s what Elijah the prophet did when the king of Israel sent soldiers to arrest him (2 Kings 1:9-16). But, Jesus rebuked James and John for their lack of compassion! So, be careful!

D. If your anger is righteous, prayerfully think through a course of action that will bring glory to God by furthering His righteous purpose.

This applies to disciplining your children or to confronting your mate or confronting someone in the church who has sinned against you.

Your aim should never be to win or to show them who is right. Your aim should be to help the other person grow in godliness and maturity.

While anger may motivate you to take action, the action you take must be done with gentleness and kindness, looking to yourself, lest you, too, be tempted (Gal. 6:1; 2 Tim. 2:24-26).

It is always sinful to hit your child with frustration or uncontrolled anger. It is always sinful angrily to call someone names or to put him down. These kinds of angry reactions do not further the righteousness of God (James 1:20).

E. Allow your righteous anger to motivate you to prompt action.

When Paul says, “do not let the sun go down on your anger,” he is not speaking literally. If he were, an Eskimo could stay angry all summer! Rather, Paul meant, be prompt in dealing with it so that it doesn’t fester into unrighteous anger or bitterness.

As Jesus said (Matt. 5:23-24), if you’re worshiping and there remember that you’re at odds with your brother, go be reconciled immediately and then come back and worship. If you leave the house after an angry exchange with your wife, call her the instant that you are convicted of your sin. Or, if you are righteously angry about something, take prayerful action as you as you can. Don’t let the anger grow into bitterness or rage.

F. Attack the problem, not the person.

I know, sometimes this is a difficult thing to sort out, because the person is the problem! But your aim should be to help restore the person, not to win or to prove that you are right. Remember your own shortcomings and sins, so that you go with humility and compassion. Emphasize that you desire to have the relationship with the person restored.

G. Be careful to manifest the fruit of the Spirit, even when you are righteously angry.

Paul tells Timothy (2 Tim. 2:24-25), “The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth.”

Kindness, patience, and gentleness are all fruits of the Spirit, the first of which is love. Even when you’re righteously angry, you must speak the truth in love. In 4:27, Paul adds the reason why we must deal even with righteous anger in a careful, biblical, and prompt manner:

4. If you do not deal with anger in a biblical manner, you give the devil an opportunity in your life.

Unrighteous anger opens the door of your life so that the enemy can come in and wreak havoc! Calvin rightly says (Sermons on Ephesians [Banner of Truth], p. 450) that verse 27 ought to make the hair on our heads stand up!

Satan is a hideous enemy who seeks to destroy and devour you like a roaring lion (1 Pet. 5:8). If there were a lion loose in your neighborhood, I’m sure you’d lock all your doors at night!. Sinful anger leaves your door ajar against the lion prowling for souls! If you don’t want a lion loose inside your house, you’ve got to deal with your anger biblically!

Conclusion

The Scottish hymn writer, George Matheson, said, “There are times when I do well to be angry, but I have mistaken the times.” He is right! There are times when it is sin to be apathetic, but be careful!

It is so easy to justify sinful anger by labeling it as righteous. It is possible to be both good and mad, but we must deal with it promptly, carefully, and biblically, so that the enemy does not gain a foothold in our lives.

Numerous polls over the years have shown that anywhere from one-third to almost one-half of Americans claim to be born again Christians. But before we celebrate, we should also note that the same polls indicate that there is no appreciable difference between the way that professing born again Christians live and how the rest of the culture lives.

Christians, including Christian leaders, have an atrocious rate of sexual immorality, whether viewing pornography on the Internet or actually engaging in sexual sin (see Leadership [Winter, 1988], pp. 12, 24).

Evangelical Christians actually have a slightly higher divorce rate than the rest of the American population! We watch the same amount and the same content of filthy TV shows and movies as the population at large.

One researcher found that half of baby boomers claiming to be born again say that religions other than Christianity are equally good and true.

One-third of that group believes in reincarnation and astrology. Nearly half support abortion rights (Wade Clark Roof, Spiritual Marketplace: Baby Boomers and the Remaking of American Religion, reported in “The Watchman Expositor,” vol. 18, # 1, 2001, p. 22).

A 2001 survey indicated that two-thirds of adults who attend conservative, Protestant churches question whether absolute moral truth exists (cited by John MacArthur, The Truth Wars [Thomas Nelson], p. 216, from the barna.org web site)!

In light of these alarming conditions, Paul’s words scream at us (4:17, my translation): “This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk….”

This refers to what he is about to say. Therefore goes back to his exhortation (4:1) to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called.” From 4:4–16, he developed how the worthy walk pertains to church unity and maturity.

Now, he turns to how the worthy walk affects personal holiness. Affirm means to testify as in court, when you summon a witness. It shows that Paul isn’t giving some helpful hints that you may want to try if you feel like it.

He is giving the Lord’s commandments for how His people must live. Together with the Lord should be translated, in the Lord. It points to Paul’s source of authority—the Lord Himself—and to the sphere in which both he and his readers now live. By God’s mercy, they have been rescued from this present evil age and now live as new creatures in Christ.

Paul paints this graphic portrait of how unbelievers live, which is how the Ephesians had lived before they met Christ. It is a shorter version of a similar picture in Romans 1:18–32.

Paul is showing that when you become a Christian, there must be a distinct break from the past. People should be able to see clearly the difference in your life, so that they wonder, “What happened?” His message is quite simple:

Believers must not live as unbelievers live.

In verse 17 Paul makes a general statement about how unbelievers live, “in the futility of their mind.” In verse 18, he shows why they live this way. It is not easy to chart the relationship of the four clauses in verse 18 (commentators differ). But the idea seems to be that the reason unbelievers live in the futility of their mind is that they are darkened in their understanding and alienated from the life of God.

The reason they are alienated from the life of God is that deep within them, they are ignorant of God. They do not know Him. The reason for this ignorance is that their hearts are hardened due to sin. Then in verse 19, he shows where this kind of futile lifestyle inevitably leads, namely, into giving themselves over to unbridled and insatiable sensuality and impurity.

Romans 1:21 parallels our text, “For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.” He goes on to describe their plunge into moral degradation.

Our text reveals five ways that unbelievers live, that we must not follow. Paul describes them with the word walk. A walk is a way of life. A true Christian may fall into these behaviors on occasion, but they should not be characteristic of his lifestyle.

1. Don’t live as unbelievers, who walk in the futility of their minds.

Futility is the same word that is used 36 times in Ecclesiastes translated, vanity. “‘Vanity of vanities,’ says the Preacher, ‘Vanity of vanities!’ All is vanity” (Eccl. 1:2). It comes from a Hebrew word meaning breath or vapor. It refers to anything transitory, frail, or lacking in substance.

Solomon had tried to find satisfaction through knowledge, through wealth and all that it affords, and through the pleasures of music and art and women. He had houses and lands with beautiful gardens and ponds. But none of it brought fulfillment. He observed that even if you have all of these things, you live a few years and then die. It is all futility, striving after the wind (Eccl. 2:17).

We could picture a child chasing soap bubbles. He grabs one, but it bursts in his hand, leaving him with nothing. One early Christian writer gives examples of building houses of sand by the seashore, chasing the wind, shooting at the stars, or pursuing one’s shadow (Gregory of Nyssa, cited by R. C. Trench, Synonyms of the New Testament [Eerdmans], p. 181). None of these activities results in anything of lasting value or significance.

Many unbelievers live for a purpose, even for noble purposes. Some aim to use their money for benevolent causes. Some want to find a cure for cancer or help others who are victims of disease. Some want to go into politics so that they can help our country be a better place. Some want to teach children so that they can have a better life. These are all good purposes that benefit society.

But, if they do not take God and eternity into consideration, what is gained? You live a few years and help a few people and then you die. Those who are helped may benefit for a few years before they die, or they may discard all that you have labored to get for them. Or, someone else may come along and undo everything that you have accomplished.

It’s all vanity or emptiness, unless it is done in light of God and eternity (1 Cor. 15:58).

Paul says that the futility of those without God exists in the mind. He is referring to their entire inner being, personality, or soul (Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Darkness and Light [Baker], p. 33). Paul emphasizes the mind in these verses: mind (4:17, 23); understanding, ignorance (4:18); learn (4:20); taught (4:21).

To live in the futility of the mind is to think and live without any regard for God and eternity. It is to live for selfish gratification or fleeting pleasure, without regard to the consequences, whether in this life or in eternity. It is to live according to the world’s philosophies that leave God out. Philosophers speculate about this and that, but they don’t have solid answers for life’s problems in light of death and eternity. Paul is saying, “Don’t live that way!” Don’t live as if God did not exist. Don’t live as if Christ had not died for your sins. Don’t live as if there were no judgment or no heaven or no hell. Don’t live in the futility of your mind.

Let me be very practical. If you want to avoid living in the futility of your mind, think often about your death.

Join Jonathan Edwards, who as a young man resolved, among many other things, “to think much, on all occasions, of my dying, and of the common circumstances which attend death” (The Works of Jonathan Edwards [Banner of Truth], 1:xx). You may think that that is morbid, but it is a vital principle for wise living!

Then, keeping the shortness of life in view, join Moses in praying (Ps. 90:12), “So teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom.” In light of standing before God and in light of what you know of His Word, how do you want to spend the fleeting years that the Lord gives you? When you look back from the end, what do you want to have accomplished in light of eternity?

Then, in light of these godly purposes, prayerfully think through and write down some goals that will move you in that direction this week.

These will vary depending on where you’re at right now. Maybe establishing a regular time alone with God in the Word and in prayer is where you need to start. If some besetting sin trips you up, devise a practical, biblically based plan to overcome that sin. Review and revise these goals from time to time. Don’t just drift through life as unbelievers do, living for the next momentary pleasure. Don’t live in the futility of your mind. Live with godly purpose in light of eternity.

2. Don’t live as unbelievers, who walk in the darkness of their understanding.2.

This idea is similar to that of living in the futility of their mind, but it goes further in explaining why they live that way: their understanding is darkened. When man sinned, it plunged the human race into mental darkness and alienation from God. People’s minds were cut off from knowing God. They became incapable of reasoning through things from God’s perspective. They were not able to understand spiritual truth (John 8:43–47). As Paul wrote (2 Cor. 4:4), “the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelieving so that they might not see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.” Or (1 Cor. 2:14), “But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised.” Or, as we saw (Rom. 1:21), “their foolish hearts were darkened.” When sin came into this world, the lights went out spiritually.

Even though we inherited this spiritual darkness from Adam, we are responsible for it. We can’t blame Adam! We can’t blame God, who decreed that Adam’s sin would be imputed to the entire human race. If you say, “That’s not fair,” you are sinning with incredible arrogance to accuse the Sovereign of the universe of being unfair! And, the fact is, if you had been in the garden instead of Adam, you would have done the same thing that he did. So, each person is responsible for his own spiritual darkness.

Not only are unbelievers darkened in their understanding, but also they love it! Jesus said (John 3:19–20), “This is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.” So the biblical picture is not that sinners are crying out, “O, if only I could see!” No, they’re partying in the dark and don’t want the light to expose their sin.

Paul says, “Don’t live that way! Don’t walk around with a darkened understanding!” To put it positively (1 John 1:7), “walk in the Light, as He Himself is in the Light.” Again, Paul is referring to the understanding, to how you think. As a Christian, you need to be renewed and transformed in your mind (Eph. 4:23; Rom. 12:2) through God’s Word. Sound doctrine about God, man, sin, salvation, and every area of life is the foundation for spiritual understanding and light. Become a biblical thinker about every issue that you face, whether how to relate to others, how to manage your time and money, or how to act on the job.

3. Don’t live as unbelievers, who walk in alienation from the life of God.

Being “excluded from the life of God” further explains why unbelievers walk in the futility of their minds. They are dead in their sins (Eph. 2:1). They lack new life from God. Becoming a Christian is not a matter of eliminating sinful behavior and replacing it with moral behavior, although that will follow. Becoming a Christian is a matter of receiving new life from God. As Jesus said (John 3:16), whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

4. Don’t live as unbelievers, who walk in spiritual ignorance due to hard hearts.

The phrase, “because of the ignorance that is in them,” explains why unbelievers are alienated from the life of God. They do not know God personally. Ignorance translates the Greek word from which we get our word, agnostic. It means to be without knowledge. It is ironic that agnostics often boast of their great knowledge, as if it were their knowledge that led them to their “enlightened” state of not knowing if there is a God! But, Paul traces their spiritual ignorance to something else, namely, to “the hardness of their heart.” (The KJV wrongly translates it, “blindness,” but the word means, “hardness,” as in a stone.) The person who is hard of heart ignores God and His commands. He refuses to bow before God as the sovereign Lord. Hardness of heart results in not knowing God. That spiritual ignorance due to sin is why unbelievers are cut off from the very life of God.

This means that people are not agnostics because they have intellectual problems with the Bible. Rather, they are agnostics because of moral rebellion against God. They want to live as they please, not as God commands. In order to justify and excuse their sinful lifestyle, they have to get rid of God.

So, they claim that they have intellectual problems with the existence of God. They may use evolution or the problem of evil and suffering in the world, or whatever. But get through the smokescreen and behind it you will find sin. They do not want to acknowledge the existence of God because they know that they are in big trouble if He exists! When you’re talking with such a person and he throws at you some intellectual objection to the gospel, ask him, “Are you saying that if I can give you a reasonable answer to that problem, you would follow Jesus Christ as Lord?” Invariably, he will say, “Well, no, there are a lot more problems.” But keep pushing him and the real problem will become evident: he does not want to submit to Jesus as Lord. He loves his sin!

Paul says, “Don’t live that way!” As a believer, be seeking daily to know the living God in a more intimate way. Submit every area of your life to Him. Don’t let sin harden your heart and produce doubts and spiritual ignorance. Finally,

5. Don’t live as unbelievers, who walk in callused sensuality and insatiable moral impurity.

Verse 19 describes the final result of this downward spiral into sin. To become callous means to cease to feel pain; thus, spiritually, it is to “lose the capacity to feel shame or embarrassment” (Peter O’Brien, The Letter to the Ephesians [Eerdmans/Apollos], p. 322). The first time a person commits a sin, he thinks, “I’ll just do it this once.” But, after he does it, his conscience bothers him. He feels guilty. But, the next time, it’s a bit easier. He rationalizes it by thinking, “Well, others do worse!” Each time, it becomes easier to sin as his conscience develops a spiritual callus. Finally, he gives himself over to sin with abandon. He has no shame about it. In fact, he goes on TV talk shows to boast about it!

In Romans 1:24, 26, 28, there is the repeated frightening phrase, “God gave them over.” But here, they “have given themselves over to sensuality, for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness.” It is describing the same thing from the sinner’s perspective. Sensuality refers to a person who casts off all restraint and has no regard even for public decency. It is to be openly, shamelessly in violation of God’s moral standards. In this context, impurity with greediness probably refers to an insatiable appetite for sexual sin. For the practice of has the nuance of making an occupation out of impurity! Pursuing sensuality and greed feeds on itself, because what once was new, exciting, and pleasurable soon becomes boring and unfulfilling. So the sinner has to seek new depths of perversion. Like using drugs, giving yourself over to sensuality and impurity becomes enslaving.

Paul says, “Don’t live like that!” Jesus said that we must cut off such sin as we would cut off our hand or pluck out our eye (Matt. 5:29–30). Keep your conscience tender towards God! Do not give yourself over to sin. It never satisfies and it always enslaves!

Conclusion

Some of you may be thinking, “Paul is being kind of extreme here. I know many unbelievers who don’t fit his dire description in these verses. They are decent, moral people. They are faithful in their marriages. They love their children. They are responsible to work and pay their bills. They’re good neighbors. So, how does what Paul says here apply to them?”

Consider two things. First, in His grace, God restrains people from being as bad as they possibly could be. If God let all sinners go, the human race would have self-destructed centuries ago. The doctrine of “total depravity” does not mean that people are as bad as they can be. Rather, it means that sin has tainted every part of our being. It corrupts our minds, our emotions, our will, and our bodies. But because of His grace, God restrains the evil of the fallen human heart, so that unbelievers may be kind, loving, and responsible people.

Second, God looks not only on the outward behavior, but also on the heart. God’s assessment when He looked on the wickedness of the human race just before the flood was (Gen. 6:5), “every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.” After the flood, God’s assessment did not change. He said (Gen. 8:21), “for the intent of man’s heart is evil from his youth.”^[1]

 

^[1] Steven J. Cole, “Lesson 30: How Not to Live (Ephesians 4:17–19),” in Ephesians, Steven J. Cole Commentary Series (Dallas: Galaxie Software, 2017), Eph 4:17–19.

These words are familiar to all of us who have attended a wedding (or been part of one) recently: Do you take this woman/man to be your lawful wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.

Marriage is the oldest institution in the world, ordained by God in the Garden of Eden.
And throughout the ministry of Christ, when marriage-related issues were brought to Him, He always went back to the ideal from Genesis 2:23-24

   “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

“______and ________, I want you to know that you are standing in the very presence of God today.
“If you always remain faithful to the vows you make today, your lives will experience the fullness of joy that God wants. No human ties are more tender, no other vows are more sacred than those you will now make to each other. “

One writer: When home is ruled according to God’s Word, “angels might be asked to stay with us, and they would not find themselves out of their element.”

The trouble is that many homes are not governed by God’s Word—even homes where the members are professing Christians—and the consequences are tragic.

The answer is the Holy Spirit of God! It is only through the power of the Holy Spirit that we can walk in harmony as husbands and wives (Eph. 5:22-33), parents and children (Eph. 6:1-4), and employers and employees (Eph. 6:5-9).

Our Christian homes are to be pictures of Christ’s relationship to His church.  Why do many Christian marriages fail? Somebody is out of the will of God.

Just because two Christians know each other and get along together does not mean they are supposed to get married.

But even if two Christians marry in the will of God, they must stay in God’s will if their home is to be the creative fellowship God wants it to be.

The secret to the communication code is this:
1. Love is her deepest need and respect is his deepest need.

2. Without love she reacts without respect, and without respect he reacts without love.

Love: not what you say as much as what “you do.” It is the husband regularly doing “love actions” or “acts of kindness.”

NOTICE THE CRAZY CYCLE

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting  different results  Marital craziness is when we keep doing the same thing over and over.

HUSBAND SENDS THIS CARD: This is what I’m really saying every time I say I love you:

INSIDE WORDS: I’m really trying to say so much more than just those three little words; I’m trying to express so many wonderful feelings about you…

   I’m trying to say that you mean more to me than anyone else in the world.

   I’m trying to let you know that I adore you and that I cherish the time we spend together.

   I’m trying to explain that I want you and that I need you and that I get lost in wonderful thoughts every time I think about you.  

   And each time I whisper “I love you,” I’m trying to remind you that you’re the nicest thing that has ever happened to me.” 

WIFE RETURNS WITH THIS CARD A FEW DAYS LATER: I love you with all my heart

INSIDE WORDS: And my body generally goes where my heart does.

A story about two books

1. A marriage book (wife likes it and leaves it on his reading table)
2. A diet book (he notices she has trouble getting in one of her favorite dresses and thinks she might want some information

“I do not accept you!“

“I do not approve of you!“

“I do not love you unless you look like a ______________”

Marriage Report Card

No marriage is perfect

Over-all grade:   A? B? C?

Will YOU do anything about it if there’s an area that needs improvement?

Are both of you ‘set free’ to talk about these issues?

Husband?     Wife?

 

How Being a Strong Christian Will Help Us Have A Happy Marriage

Christians are concerned about others.

Christians practice love.

Christians want the best for others.

Christians have a positive sexual ethic.

Christians can forgive.

Christians make good fathers and mothers.

Christians provide for their own.

Christians are kind.

Christians are unselfish.

Christians honor/respect each other

“If I wanted to find out whether a man was a Christian, I wouldn’t go to his minister.  I would go and ask his wife.  If a man doesn’t treat his wife right, I don’t want to hear him talk about Christianity.  What is the use of his talking about salvation for the next life if he has no salvation for this?  We want a Christianity that goes into our homes and everyday lives.”   — Dwight L. Moody

I BELIEVE CARD: I believe that we are magic, that all things are possible, that life is precious, that peace is reasonable, that laugher is special, that blessings are divine, that love is grand…

And that you are the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you.

1. Make A Commitment

Remember your wedding promise? “Till death do us part.”

If they will renew their effort… 86% of the people who said that they were unhappy were happy five years later.

Commitment lets us work through problems.

2. Make it a Priority

Continue to work at marriage.

The greatest thing you can do for your children is to love your spouse.

3. Make Marriage Fun!

Some middle age crisis are because all the fun has gone out of marriage.  It’s all work and no play!

Enjoy each other.

Ecclesiastes 9:9: “Enjoy life with the wife of your youth.”

Enjoy sex:  Song of Solomon.

Learn to have fun with only a little money.

4. Learn to Communicate, Talk, and Fight!

Learn to listen.

Learn to talk.

Be friends first!

Learn to fight fair.

My wife & I never fight . . .

“But sometimes you can hear us reasoning things out for several blocks.”

5. Deal with your Demons!

Find out what you’re doing to harm your marriage and heal it.

Dictatorship?     Financial irresponsibility?

Temper?     Pornography?

Substance abuse?

You name it…get help!

6. Have God at the center

From God we learn the marriage skills of:

Kindness      Forgiveness

Unconditional Love Faithfulness

God will help us!

Buy Me A Rose Lyrics
He works hard to give her all he thinks she wants…A three car garage, her own credit cards. He pulls in late to wake her up with a kiss good night. If he could only read her mind, she’d say:
Chorus: Buy me a rose, call me from work, Open a door for me, what would it hurt; Show me you love me by the look in your eyes. These are the little things I need the most in my life.

Now the days have grown to years of feeling all alone, And she can’t help but wonder what she’s doing wrong. Cause lately she’d try anything to turn his head. Would it make a difference if she said:
Chorus: Buy me a rose, call me from work, Open a door for me, what would it hurt; Show me you love me by the look in your eyes. These are the little things I need the most in my life.

And the more that he lives the less that he tries To show her the love that he holds inside.
And the more that she gives the more that he sees…This is a story of you and me
So I bought you a rose on the way home from work, To open the door to a heart that I hurt. And I hope you notice this look in my eyes Cause I’m gonna make things right For the rest of your life. I’m gonna hold you tonight. Do all those little things …For the rest of your life.

Closing: It’s worth the effort to have the best marriage possible!

Here is a biblical and practical guide on love and respect based on Ephesians 5:33, complete with illustrations and supporting scriptures. You can use this for teaching, counseling, or sermon presentations.

💍 Main Scripture:

Ephesians 5:33 (NIV)
“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Main Teaching Points & Illustrations

God’s Design for Marriage: Love and Respect

Teaching:

This verse summarizes God’s relational blueprint: Husbands are commanded to love, and wives to respect. Both are essential for a healthy marriage.

Illustration:

Two gears working in harmony — one labeled “Love” and the other “Respect.”

Why Husbands Need Respect

Teaching:

Men are wired by God to thrive when they feel honored, trusted, and affirmed by their wives.

Illustration:

A husband standing tall with his wife’s words building him up like bricks in a wall.

Supporting Scriptures:

• 1 Peter 3:1–2 – “…they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives…”
• Proverbs 31:11–12 – “Her husband has full confidence in her…”

Why Wives Need Love

Teaching:

Wives blossom when they feel cherished, secure, and pursued by their husbands.

Illustration:

A wife being gently embraced by her husband, with hearts or flowers symbolizing care.

Supporting Scriptures:

• Colossians 3:19 – “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
• 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 – Description of godly love: patient, kind, not rude or self-seeking.

Love and Respect: A Cycle

Teaching:

Love and respect fuel each other. When one is given, the other is more easily returned.

Illustration:

A circular arrow diagram: “Love ➜ Respect ➜ Love ➜ Respect”.

Supporting Scripture:

• Galatians 5:13 – “Serve one another humbly in love.”

Jesus as Our Example

Teaching:

Christ’s relationship with the Church models perfect love and submission.

Illustration:

Jesus laying down His life for the Church (Ephesians 5:25), and the Church joyfully honoring Him.

 

 

A “Peanuts” cartoon shows Linus venting his hostility by throwing rocks into a vacant lot. As he hurls each rock, he shouts, “This is for all the nasty thing they said about George Washington! This is for people who hate little kids! And this is for people who kick dogs! This is for hot summer nights! And this is for cold winter mornings! And this is for lies and broken promises!” Then he turns and asks Charlie Brown, “Do you have any requests?”

If only it were that easy to tame your temper! But even Linus comes to realize, a couple of cartoons later, that throwing rocks is no solution for his anger. Neither is pounding a pillow as you think of the person you hate or letting out a primal scream.

Uncontrolled anger is a huge problem in our society. We frequently read about road rage, sometimes to the extreme where one angry motorist shoots and kills another motorist over some minor frustration.

A Reader’s Digest article (Oct., 2007) gave numerous examples of parents who watch their children’s sports activities and erupt in anger to the point of attacking other parents and even the children competing against their children! One father beat another father to death after a youth hockey practice! Another dad clubbed his daughter’s high school softball coach repeatedly in the head and body with an aluminum bat because the coach had suspended the girl for missing a game to attend the prom.

The article stated that three-fourths of parents who have attended a youth sporting event have witnessed other parents being verbally abusive. One in seven have witnessed an actual physical altercation involving a parent!

You may think, “Well, that’s the world for you!” But, you would be naïve to think that Christians are exempt from anger. Angry people often split churches, usually under the pretense of maintaining doctrinal purity.

Christian homes are often torn apart by anger. Christian parents yell angrily at their children, call them names, and even hit them in anger. Then they wonder why their children rebel!

The apostle Paul does not give us an inch of wiggle room when it comes to the sin of anger: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice” (Eph. 4:31, emphasis added). He repeats the word all twice for emphasis.

Getting rid of all except a little bit of anger isn’t good enough! You can’t justify it by saying, “Well, I’m only human! Everyone gets angry, but I’m on the top end of the curve!” We need to call it what the Bible calls it: Anger is sin and we cannot tolerate a little bit of sin in our lives. Paul says that we must put away all of it.

You may be thinking, “But what about verse 26? Didn’t Paul command us to be righteously angry?” You may be justifying much of your anger as righteous anger.

But F. F. Bruce (The Epistles to the Colossians, to Philemon, and to the Ephesians [Eerdmans], p. 364) is surely correct in observing, “This mention of anger as something that is bad without qualification, so soon after v. 26, suggests that to be angry without sinning is as rare as it is difficult.”

The distinguishing mark of sinful anger is selfishness: I didn’t get my way and I want my way! I didn’t get my rights and I demand my rights! We sinfully use anger to try to dominate and control others. If we justify it by thinking, “I’m the head of this household,” or, “I’m the boss around here,” we are only masking our selfish sinfulness.

By piling up all of these words for anger and by using the word all twice, Paul is slamming the door on all of the excuses that he knew we would try to use to justify our sinful anger. He is saying that as those who have been created anew in righteousness and holiness of the truth (4:24), we must get rid of all sinful anger.

To tame your temper, put off all bitterness and anger and replace it with kindness and forgiveness, just as God in Christ forgave you.

He makes three points, which we will follow: First, he uses six terms to describe the old, sinful behavior that we must put off. Then, he uses three terms to describe the new, godly behavior that we are to put on. Finally, he gives us the motive or reason why we should adopt this new behavior.

1. To tame your temper, put off all bitterness and anger (4:31).

We need to begin by observing that Paul does not psychologize the problem of anger by saying that you must understand your childhood or probe your “subconscious” to get at the root reasons that you are angry. Maybe your parents didn’t love you, or maybe you have “low self-esteem.” He doesn’t go there! He basically says, “Stop sinning!” Put away all anger as you would cast off dirty, smelly clothes!

But, lest you think that this is just a matter of human will power, remember that verses 25–32 are built on verses 20–24, where Paul describes the supernatural new birth that God imparts to us. Before salvation, we were darkened in our understanding, excluded from the life of God, and given over to all manner of sin (4:17–19). But now we are new creatures in Christ and as such we have been taught a new way of life. We are to put off the old man, be renewed in the spirit of our minds, and put on the new man in Christ (4:22–24).

Furthermore, we now have the Holy Spirit dwelling within us and we are to live in a close relationship with Him so that we do not grieve Him (4:30). We are to be filled or controlled by the Spirit, who enables us not to fulfill the sinful desires of the flesh, but rather to produce His fruit of righteousness in us (Eph. 5:18; Gal. 5:16–23). But the Spirit-filled life is not entirely passive, where we just “let go and let God.” We have an active role to play, where we fight daily against the sinful desires that tempt us and yield to the Holy Spirit in obedience to God’s Word.

Also, as I often emphasize, to overcome sin it is vital to recognize that all sin originates in the heart or mind. Sinful anger is a heart issue and so you must deal with it on the heart level (Mark 7:21–23). This means that it is not enough to force a smile and restrain yourself while you are seething inside. At the instant you begin to feel angry, you must deal with how you think.

You must stop long enough to think, “God is sovereign and He has allowed this difficult situation for my training in righteousness. Any anger that I express towards the other person is really anger towards God, who has providentially allowed this. Also, I am a fellow sinner, as seen in my quickness towards anger. I must treat the other person with love, just as I would want to be treated.” And you send up a quick, “Help, Lord” prayer, that He would control your emotions, words, and actions in this situation.

Also, to point out the obvious, Paul’s commands here imply that you have been mistreated. You wouldn’t be bitter if everyone treated you rightly. You wouldn’t be harboring malice if others had been nice towards you. You wouldn’t need to forgive if others had not wronged you. So, Paul is showing us how to respond in a godly way in an ungodly world where people wrong us.

There may be a progression in Paul’s use of these terms (Peter O’Brien, The Letter to the Ephesians [Apollos/Eerdmans], p. 349). He moves from a resentful inner attitude (bitterness) through its outward expression in outbursts of rage and seething anger, to yelling abusively (clamor). Then he mentions spreading our anger by slander He concludes with a catch-all term that covers all forms of anger, namely, malice. Let’s look at each word.

1. Remove all bitterness from your heart.

Bitterness develops over time as we nurse our anger and tell ourselves that we have good cause to be angry. We play the situation where we got angry over and over in our minds, often blaming the other person and justifying ourselves. The bitter person refuses to forgive or be reconciled. He wants to make the other person pay.

Bitter people keep score. I once counseled a woman who pulled out a notebook with 16 pages detailing every major wrong that her husband had committed against her over the years. She thought that she had an airtight case that justified her anger. I glanced at it and said, “The first thing you need to do is to burn this notebook!” She didn’t like that advice!

Hebrews 12:15 warns, “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled.”

Your bitterness will defile others who are close to you. But, even worse, if you continue in bitterness, you will come short of the grace of God! If you need anything from God, it is abundant grace! So you’ve got to put all bitterness away from you. Vengeance belongs to God alone. One way to root out bitterness from your heart is to pray for the offending person—not that he will get hit with God’s judgment—but rather that he will find mercy and repentance.

1. Remove all wrath from your heart.

The NIV translates it, rage. It is derived from a word meaning, to boil. It refers to outbursts of anger, when someone boils over. It is used to describe the people in the synagogue in Nazareth, whose rage at Jesus drove them to try to throw Him over the edge of a cliff (Luke 4:28). It is used of the rage of the mob in Ephesus that led to the riot against the Christians (Acts 19:28). Paul says that such hot anger has no place among believers.

1. Remove all anger from your heart.

This is the same word that Paul used to refer to righteous anger (4:26). It is used of Jesus’ righteous anger (Mark 3:5). It is used of God’s wrath (John 3:36; Rom. 1:18; 12:19), which is His settled hatred of and opposition to all sin. With reference to sinful human anger, wrath and anger are largely synonymous. If there is a nuance of difference, wrath is the sudden outburst of temper, whereas anger refers to a more settled attitude, often with the purpose of revenge.

1. Remove all clamor from your heart.

Clamor refers to loud, angry words, where people are screaming at each other. It includes cursing and calling someone abusive names. The only time you should yell at your mate or your children is to warn them of immediate danger. Sometimes you have to yell to be heard over the noise. But once things quiet down, you should talk, not yell.

1. Remove all slander from your heart.

The Greek word is also used for blasphemy against God, but here it refers to speaking evil about someone to someone else who has no need to hear it. Usually, we do this to build our case against the person, so that we look like the innocent victim. Often, slander is accompanied by falsehood, where we stretch the truth or only give enough information to tilt the verdict in our direction.

1. Remove all malice from your heart.

Malice is a general term for wickedness or ill will towards another person. It is the desire to harm the person, either emotionally or physically. When coupled with slander, the intent is to harm the person’s reputation or his relationships with others by smearing him. I think that Paul added it at the end to cover any other form of hatred or anger that we might try to justify as okay. Paul commands us to remove all six of these sinful attitudes and actions. They characterize unbelievers, but they have no place with those who are being conformed to the image of Jesus Christ.

2. To tame your temper, actively engage in the process of replacing bitterness and anger with kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness (4:32a).

As we have seen, Paul’s pattern here is not only to have us stop doing the evil behavior, but also to begin practicing godly behavior. We are to replace lying with telling the truth (4:25). We are to stop stealing and instead work hard and give to those in need (4:28). We are to stop using unwholesome words and instead use words that build up and give grace (4:29). So here, sinful anger is to be replaced with kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness.

1. To tame your temper is a process that you must actively engage in.

The Greek word translated “be” (4:32) means to become. It is a present imperative verb, indicating an ongoing process. The process begins when you face up to your bitterness and anger as sin and confess it to God, asking for His forgiveness. You choose to accept responsibility for your sin, rather than to blame others. At that point you begin a lifelong battle. You will never arrive at a point where you can declare permanent victory and lay down your weapons. But as you fight the temptation to be angry, you (and others that know you) should see noticeable progress. If you lose a battle, don’t give up. Confess it to God, seek forgiveness from those you have wronged, and get back in the battle.

1. To tame your temper, replace bitterness and anger with kindness.

Paul says that love is kind (1 Cor. 13:4). Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22). A kind person is not harsh or sharp with others. He allows others room to offend or make mistakes without becoming offended and crawling all over them. A kind person takes an interest in others and tries to understand what they are feeling by asking sensitive questions. God Himself is “kind to ungrateful and evil men” (Luke 6:35). His kindness leads us to repentance (Rom. 2:4). Tasting His kindness motivates us to long for the pure milk of the word, so that we may grow in respect to salvation (1 Pet. 2:2–3). Dads, instead of being harsh and stern with your children, be kind. It will motivate them to obedience far more than anger ever will.

1. To tame your temper, replace bitterness and anger with tender-heartedness.

The NIV translates this as compassionate. It is used in 1 Peter 3:8–9a, “To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead.” It comes from the Greek word for “bowels,” which they saw as the seat of our emotions. To be tender-hearted means to have deep, “gut” feelings for one another. It means to have genuine concern for another person’s well-being. It is the opposite of being calloused, as we were before we met Christ (4:19).

1. To tame your temper, replace bitterness and anger with forgiveness.

Instead of holding a grudge that develops into bitterness, we are to forgive those that have wronged us. The word used here points to undeserved favor. It implies that the other person has truly wronged us. To forgive is to choose to absorb the pain and show grace to the other person. If he has to earn it, it’s not forgiveness. If you put it on file and bring it up every time there is a disagreement, it’s not forgiveness. If it doesn’t cost you anything to grant it, it’s not forgiveness. I plan to devote our next study to probe this important topic more in depth, so I move on for now.

Thus Paul says that to tame your temper, put off all bitterness and anger and replace it with kindness and forgiveness. Then he gives us the profound motive or reason we must do this:

3. To tame your temper, remember as foremost how God in Christ has forgiven you (4:32b).

Begin every day at the foot of the cross, marveling at the amazing grace of God that sent His own Son to bear the wrath that you deserved. As the psalmist puts it (Ps. 130:3–4), “If You, Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with You, that You may be feared.” Briefly consider:

1. God forgave you by His grace, not because of any merit.

If you think that you somehow earned or deserved God’s forgiveness because of your good works, you do not understand the gospel. The fact is, each of us has wronged God tens of thousands of times from childhood up. Even if you were raised in the church and trusted Christ as a child, your sins are too numerous to count. God’s forgiveness is by grace alone. So we must grant forgiveness to others not because they deserve it, but rather because we have been shown grace.

1. God forgave you at great cost.

He forgave you “in Christ.” That means that He couldn’t just shrug off your sins as no big deal. To do that would have compromised His justice and holiness. Jesus, the eternal Son of God, came and bore on the cross the penalty we deserved. While forgiving others is never that costly for us, it still costs. There may be a legitimate place for requiring restitution as a means of teaching responsibility. But even then, forgiveness is costly.

1. God forgave you far more than you can ever forgive anyone else.

Jesus graphically made this point in response to Peter’s question about forgiveness (Matt. 18:21–35). He told the parable of the slave who owed a king 10,000 talents. A talent was worth more than 15 years’ wages for a laborer, so 10,000 talents represented 150,000 years’ wages, an unpayable debt. When the man begged for mercy, the king freely forgave the entire amount. But then the slave went out and grabbed a fellow slave who owed him 100 denarii, about 100 days’ wages. When he couldn’t pay, the forgiven slave had him thrown into prison. The king was moved with righteous anger towards the unforgiving slave. The point of the story is, no one could have wronged you as much as you have wronged God. Since He freely forgave you, so you must forgive others. I’ll deal further with forgiveness next time, as it raises a number of difficult questions.

The Nail in the Fence

A boy with a bad temper was told by his father to hammer a nail into the fence every time he lost his temper. Over time, the number of nails decreased. The father then told him to remove a nail each time he controlled his temper. Eventually, the boy pulled them all out. The father showed him the holes left in the fence and said,

“Even when you say you’re sorry, the scars of anger remain.”

Lesson: Anger may fade, but the damage done by it can leave lasting marks.

Conclusion

I conclude with some practical steps to apply Paul’s words. First and foremost, make sure that you have received God’s forgiveness through faith in Christ alone. There are unsaved people who have gone to anger management courses and learned to control their anger, but they will go to hell unless they repent of their sins and trust in Christ alone. The new birth is the foundation for the radical change of behavior described in our text.

Second, allow your heart to be humbled by God’s grace every day. Think about the wrath that you justly deserve. Think about where you would be if God had not graciously drawn you to the cross. As you are filled to the brim with God’s grace, it will spill over onto those who wrong you. Where formerly you would have been angry, now you will be kind, tender-hearted, and forgiving.

Third, structure your life for change. Turn off the TV (which will never make you godly) and read your Bible. Memorize verses such as our text, so that they immediately pop into your mind when you are tempted to be angry. Pray frequently for those you are prone to be angry with. If you live with them, pray often with them. It is really difficult to remain angry with your mate or kids when you get on your knees together before the throne of grace!

Finally, confess your anger quickly and ask the Holy Spirit to control your mind and emotions. Don’t let angry thoughts fester. Don’t let your anger go unconfessed. Ask God’s forgiveness and ask forgiveness of the one you sinned against. It’s a lifelong battle, but if you engage in the fight, by God’s grace you will tame your temper.^[1]

 

^[1] Steven J. Cole, “Lesson 37: Taming Your Temper (Ephesians 4:31–32),” in Ephesians, Steven J. Cole Commentary Series (Dallas: Galaxie Software, 2017), Eph 4:31–32b.

Ephesians 4:26 (ESV) Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger

The words, “Be angry!” just doesn’t sound right, does it? We are uncomfortable with a command like this. We find ourselves trying to avoid or explain this away, because anger does not sound godly.

The words, “be ye angry,” are a present imperative in the Greek text, commanding a continuous action. This orgē, this abiding, settled attitude of righteous indignation against sin and sinful things, is commanded, together with the appropriate actions when conditions make them necessary.

We must remember that there are two kinds of anger.

There is the “anger of man” which “does not achieve the righteousness of God” (James 1:20), and the anger which is an expression of God’s righteousness. We are commanded in our text to be angry in a way that is righteous, that is a reflection of God.

Þ  God was angry at the unbelief of Moses, which caused him to resist obeying the command of God to go to Egypt and confront Pharaoh, insisting that he let God’s people go (Exodus 4:14).

Þ  God is angered by the mistreatment of those who are helpless, the strangers, the widows, and the orphans (Exodus 22:21-24).

Þ  God was also angered by men turning from trusting and worshipping Him, to the worship of idols (Exodus 32:10; Deuteronomy 6:14-15; Judges 2:13-14; Ezra 8:22).

Þ  God is angered by the grumbling and complaining of His people (Numbers 11:1, 10).

All of these offenses which arouse God to anger seem reasonable enough, but there are times when men may commit offenses which seem minor to us, and yet which provoke God to anger.

One such case is described in 2 Samuel chapter 6. The ark of the covenant had been captured by the Philistines, and was kept for a short time as a trophy in the house of their god, Dagon.

The problem with this was that God shamed their “god” and caused a plague to fall on those in whose city the ark was being kept. Eventually, the ark was returned by the Philistines, transported on an ox cart.

One could expect the Philistines to transport the ark this way. They did not know any better. But God had stipulated in the Law that the ark must be carried by the Levites, by means of poles that were place through rings in the ark.

The Israelites forgot this and began to transport the ark on an ox cart, like the Philistines. When the ox stumbled and the ark seemed in danger of falling off the cart, Uzzah reached out to stabilize the ark and was struck dead by God.

This angered David, who could not understand this outburst of anger at first. Only later, upon reflection, did he realize how important obedience to God’s instructions was. And then, when the ark was transported, it was done as God had instructed (see 2 Samuel 6:1-19).

Our Lord Jesus was also angry.

There were times when Jesus was terribly and majestically angry. He was angry when the scribes and Pharisees were watching to see if he would heal the man with the withered hand on the Sabbath day (Mk 3:5).

It was not their criticism of himself at which he was angry; he was angry that their rigid orthodoxy desired to impose unnecessary suffering on a fellow creature.

He was angry when he made a whip and drove the changers of money and the sellers of victims from the Temple courts (Jn 2:13-17). Because were cheating the worshippers in the exchange of money/sacrifices, they were getting between “the worshipper and God.”

Godly men were also angered by unrighteousness.

Moses, who was initially unshaken by Israel’s worship of the golden calf, became angry when he finally came down from the mountain and saw the extent of Israel’s sin (see Exodus 32:1-20).

Earlier, Moses was angered by Pharaoh’s hardened heart, and his refusal to listen to God and to let the Israelites go (Exodus 11:8).

It would appear that David was angered by Goliath’s blasphemy (1 Samuel 17).

David was later angry when Nathan told him the story of the rich man who stole a poor man’s little lamb, not knowing that he was the villain (2 Samuel 13:21).

The anger which is selfish and uncontrolled is a sinful and hurtful thing, which must be banished from the Christian life.

“Be Angry, But Do Not Sin” (4:26)

If feelings of anger are sometimes unavoidable, there are two things the Christian can do to avoid letting his emotions get him into trouble. The first is “do not sin.” An action taken in the heat of anger is almost always the wrong action.

Only God can properly execute wrath and vengeance (Rom 12:19).

Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

The second action the Christian must take is to get rid of anger within the day.

Few things have higher priority than seeking reconciliation with a brother: Matthew 5:24 (ESV) “..leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. ). Animosity must not be harbored as a growing resentment.

One definition of agape (love) is that “it does keep a record of wrong.” Another way of saying something similar: it does not bring up the past.

My standard: IF I do not take of an issue that brings anger which could lead me to sin, on that day, then I forfeit the right to bring it up the next day.

DON’T GET BURNED! If vented thoughtlessly, anger can hurt others and destroy relationships. If kept inside, it can cause us to become bitter and destroy us from within.

Paul tells us to deal with our anger immediately in a way that builds relationships rather than destroys them. If we nurse our anger, we will give Satan an opportunity to divide us.

Anger must be dealt with as quickly as possible. Used correctly, anger can motivate us to right a wrong, redress a grievance, correct an injustice.

Used improperly, it can burn us and everyone else around us.

Are you angry with someone right now? What can you do to resolve your differences? Don’t let the day end before you begin working on mending your relationship.

If anger is not always evil, it can easily turn one to evil. Anger, like greed, is often the root of various evils. Ungodly anger may become the root of some of the evils addressed in Ephesians 4 and 5. Anger may prompt one to speak to a brother in a way that is destructive.

Just as our speech may edify or build up others, it can also tear down and destroy. Anger which is not properly resolved may lead to slander or false testimony. Anger has prompted people to steal. Anger has caused some to be unfaithful to their mate.

Even anger that begins as righteous indignation can turn sour, becoming ungodly wrath. This is why immediately after Paul commands us to be angry, he warns us to be angry, but not to sin.

As you can see from the text, Paul’s words, “Be angry, and do not sin,” are cited from a psalm of David, Psalm 4:4.

David composes this psalm out of his own distress. Unrighteous men have scoffed at David’s honor, making it a reproach. They have loved what is worthless and deceptive. David agonizes over the wickedness of such men, and calls upon God to deal with them.

Paul adds a dimension which David does not mention in his psalm. It should provide the Christian with strong motivation for heeding Paul’s admonition to avoid sinful anger.

He warns us that we are not to “give the devil an opportunity” with respect to anger. How can this be?

Several opportunities are apparent. First, Satan may take advantage of unresolved anger to promote some other sin, such as slander, strife, or even physical violence.

Satan would surely seek to use our anger to create divisions within the body of Christ. Many churches have been split over petty differences.

Satan, as the accuser of the brethren (Revelation 12:10) will surely use our sin, spawned by anger, as an occasion to accuse us before God, and perhaps may use us to accuse our brethren. Satan recognizes anger as a fertile field, capable of producing all kinds of sin, and sin is his specialty.

Paul gives but one method here, by which we may avoid letting righteous anger turn to sin. He instructs us not to “let the sun go down on our anger.”

While righteous anger is to be slow to originate, it is to be quickly dispelled. Anger has a kind of corrosive effect. Anger is designed to prompt us to act, to get us “off the dime” of passivity.

Paul does not tell us what we should do here. I believe that other Scriptures do spell out what is usually required of us.

In short, the process of “church discipline” is the course of action we should take. This process for dealing with our anger toward a brother is Christ is outlined in several texts, and is illustrated in others.

The first step in the process is confrontation. The one who has offended us, or who has acted in a way that dishonors God is to be confronted with his sin. This is to be done as privately and on as small a scale as possible. If the wayward one repents, the matter is settled. If not, then the matter must become more and more public, until it is resolved.

If the sinning saint persists in sin, he must finally be put out of the church, and deprived of the benefits of its fellowship. In the case of the brother who accepts correction, our anger should be converted to forgiveness.

If the brother is disciplined, our anger should turn to grief. In any case, our anger should not be allowed to linger on, turning to bitterness.

In those cases in which our brother is angry with us, we also have a responsibility to bring matters to a conclusion that dispels anger and which reflects the righteousness of God.

We are to go to that brother who has an offense against us, and seek to bring about a reconciliation as quickly as possible (see Matthew 5:23-26).

4:27 and do not give the devil a foothold.

When emotions are out of control, the devil steps in to exploit the situation. Whether in an action taken in the heat of passion, or in a smoldering resentment, the devil is given room to operate.

Characteristics of Righteous Indignation

 (1) Godly anger is God-like anger, it is an expression of the anger which has toward the actions of men. Godly people are angry when God is angry. It is anger which is consistent with the holy and righteous character of God.

(2) Godly anger is legal anger. It is wrath based upon men’s violation of God’s law, and it is anger which is lawfully expressed.

(3) Godly anger is not explosive, and is only slowly provoked. God’s anger does not have a hair trigger.

 (4) God does not take pleasure in expressing His anger in the judgment of men.

The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9).

 (5) Godly anger is always under control. Godly anger does not lose its temper. Ungodly anger is excessive and abusive; godly anger never is.

But He, being compassionate, forgave their iniquity, and did not destroy them; And often He restrained His anger, And did not arouse all His wrath (Psalm 78:38).

Conclusion

We ought to reserve our anger for when we see God dishonored or people wronged.

If we are to take this text seriously, we must also say that we should see more righteous anger than we do. If God is angered by sin, then we should be angered by it as well.

We need to confront the sinner, and without minimizing the sin, to seek its solution in genuine repentance.

In many marriages that end up on the rocks of divorce, the root problem is anger that has not been righteously expressed and dispelled.

In many families, the division and discord stems from a failure to obey Paul’s instructions concerning anger.

In many churches, the unity of the body of Christ has been hindered by the lack of righteous anger.

Let us seek to be both good and mad to the glory of God and for the health and unity of His body, the church

Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. (Ephesians 6:17  )

I don’t remember where it was, but I was about to go down a stairway that had a low entrance. Above it was a sign that read, “Mind Thy Head!” It meant, “Look out or you will hit your head!”

I’m also amazed at how many Christians do not mind their heads. They swim in the currents of worldly ideas and entertainment without developing a Christian mind. They’re oblivious to the godless philosophic assumptions that underlie worldly thinking.

They buy into the postmodern idea that there is no such thing as knowable, absolute truth in the spiritual or moral realms. These careless Christians ignore, or sometimes even ridicule, the need for sound doctrine. They want experience, not doctrine. They want good feelings, not careful thinking. Because they do not mind their heads, they are not transformed by the renewing of their minds. Rather, they are conformed to this evil world (Rom. 12:1-2). God gives us the helmet of salvation so that we will mind our heads:

Just before going into battle, the Roman soldier would put on a helmet, either made of bronze or of leather with pieces of metal covering it. It also had cheek pieces to protect part of his face.

1. The helmet protects your head from the enemy’s attacks.

Your head is a very important part of your body, because it contains your brain, which controls everything. Your head determines how you think about all of life.

How you think in large part determines how you feel and how you act.

How you think determines your worldview, which also affects how you feel and act. A person with a postmodern worldview does not believe in moral absolutes. They do not think anything is absolutely evil. They do not believe in judging the behavior of others as wrong. That would be intolerant and judgmental.

B. Your head determines how you function in all of life.

If your brain is not working properly, it affects how other parts of your body work. A brain injury can affect motor skills or the ability to speak or think clearly. If a soldier got knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, he was probably doomed. He had to guard his head by having his helmet securely in place.

Spiritually, salvation determines how we live in this sinful world. We live as pilgrims who have been rescued from this present evil kingdom of Satan. We live in subjection to Jesus Christ as Lord and King. We view everything—values, money, entertainment, the arts, or politics—from the perspective of being saved people.

C. Your head determines how you relate to others.

Once you put on the helmet of salvation, you realize that all people are in one of two (and only two) camps: either they are saved and going to heaven; or, they are lost and going to hell.

If a person is not saved, then he cannot understand the things of God. They are foolishness to him (1 Cor. 1:18; 2:14). He is blind to much of his own sin. He is living for himself and his own futile goals. He has false views about death and eternity, thinking that if there is a heaven, he’s probably good enough to go there.

But because you have put on the helmet of salvation, you relate to people differently than you did before. You now love the people of God, whom you avoided before. You now view lost people with compassion and understanding, yearning that they would come to know God through Jesus Christ.

You do not view lost people as the enemy, but as victims of the enemy. While you can no longer join with them in their course of sinful behavior (1 Pet. 4:3-4), you pray for their salvation and look for opportunities to talk with them about the Savior. Putting on the helmet of salvation means that you relate differently to the world.

Believers Stand Firm by Taking Up the Sword of the Spirit

Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. (Ephesians 6:17)

The sword Paul refers to is the dagger (machaira), which varied in length from six to eighteen inches. It was the common sword used by Roman soldiers in hand-to-hand combat, and was carried in a sheath attached to the belt.^[1]

A skillful soldier used it to deflect the blows of his enemy, and the Word of God must be used in this fashion. We get a picture of this when Satan attacked Christ in the wilderness (Matt 4). To each of Satan’s temptations, Christ responded with Scripture. Therefore, the Christian who does not know the Word of God well will have problems defending against the attacks of the devil.

A Proper View of Scripture 2 Peter 1:19-21

Most people know they need guidance for their lives. Just over a thousand randomly selected persons were surveyed recently on behalf of a life insurance/financial services company. 75% said they believed they were created by God for a purpose, but only 45% of those said they understood what that purpose was.

The questions more people in that survey said they would like to ask God than any other?

1. “What is my purpose on Earth?”
2. “Will I have life after death?”
3. “Why do bad things happen?”

To some of us, it would seem strange that anybody would want to ask such things of God. We’d likely reply that he has already answered them.

Christians believe that God does communicate with the men and women he has created in his image and that the primary vehicle through which he does so is the Bible.

The Barna Research Group discovered a few years back that 10 % of the 1,000 people in one of its polls thought Joan of Arc was Noah’s wife, 16% were sure the New Testament contained a book written by Thomas the apostle, and 38% thought the Old and New Testaments were written a few years after the death of Jesus.

While it may be impractical and impossible for every Christian to be a genuine biblical scholar. It’s not unreasonable to expect that every Christian should be a regular reader and prayerful student of Scripture.

(2 Peter 1:19-21)  And we have the word of the prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. {20} Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet’s own interpretation. {21} For prophecy never had its origin in the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.

Paul had words of praise for the Christians at Thessalonica in that they received the gospel message, not as the word of men, “but, as it is in truth, the word of God” (I Thes. 2: 13).

This parallels Paul’s text about the Word of God: “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Tim. 3:16-17).

2 Timothy 4:2 (ESV)
²  preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort (encourage), with complete patience and teaching.

God enabled certain specially chosen individuals to know the otherwise unknowable or interpret the otherwise merely puzzling and communicate those insights correctly.  We believe the Bible in inerrant (without error) and authoritative.

Four propositions which I feel must govern our thinking as we approach the subject of the authority of the Scriptures in this 21th century

1. We have no right to hold a different view of Scripture than that held by Jesus himself.

The authority of the Bible rests squarely upon the authority of Jesus Christ himself.

To be a Christian at all means that we have fully accepted the authority of Jesus. It is an utter inconsistency to say that we accept what the Bible says about Christ and reject what he says about Scripture.

2. We have no right to views of Scripture which are different from the apostles’ view of Scripture.

The apostles, like our Lord, are our teachers. We are not theirs. It is Karl Barth who says, “We cannot stand and look over the apostles’ shoulders, correcting their work. It is they who stand looking over our shoulders, correcting our work.”

The apostles, in writing the New Testament, everywhere declare that their authority is simply the Lord’s authority. They, too, rest the authority of their words squarely upon the authority of the Lord Jesus.

These men who lived in the 1st century and associated with the Lord Jesus, who heard his words, and who so ministered in power throughout the world of their day as to transform the generation in which they lived, knew far more about what God thought and said than any man studying theology today.

3. Scripture does not need to be defended, but simply declared.

No one today has access to divine truth by means of any personal interview with deity. God does not speak in dreams, visions, or by a supernatural illumination of the Holy Spirit.

Objective revelation has been made known through the completed Bible, and men will only be exposed to the message of the Scriptures as we distribute the sacred volume and proclaim its saving message.

Every single Christian must take seriously his obligation to teach the Bible consistent with his divinely appointed role, ability, and opportunity.

The whole testimony of this church is to the fact that it is the preaching and the exposition of the Bible that establishes its authority. We do not need to defend it, just declare it, proclaim it.

^[1] MacArthur, J. F., Jr. (1986). Ephesians (pp. 367–368). Chicago: Moody Press.